she asked if he would rather that she just go away. Trying to soften the rejection, he repeated what he had told her from the beginning. As long as she didn’t expect anything from him, he didn’t mind hanging out with her.
In one of the following emails she wrote, I know you have things to think over. Do you really not want to try? Stop overanalyzing everything. What did you feel? I got you to say a little bit today, which was nice to hear. That’s all I want, really, is for you to tell me how you feel honestly, and I know it’s hard for you. You’re very vague about things, and I wish you would open up.
Dave didn’t think he was vague. Maybe he was a little vague when she put him on the spot and insisted that he tell her exactly what he thought of her. He had hemmed and hawed and tried to change the subject, so he wouldn’t say something mean. But he did not think he was vague when it came to where he stood on their future. There wasn’t one!
He had once made the mistake of telling Liz about his past disappointments in failed romances. Almost everyone has had their heart broken at least once, and he was no exception. Liz concluded that his past pain was the main obstacle they had to overcome to find bliss. I know your past isn’t very good, and I’m sorry for that, she wrote. You’re a wonderful man and deserve someone who will respect you. I don’t want to be full of myself, but I am very good to the man I am seeing. Sorry, but I deserve someone like you, finally.
The onslaught of words continued, and he responded with about one word for every hundred she expressed. In that September’s exhaustive email exchange, Liz continued to ask him for answers to questions he had already answered. Either you want me to stay, or you want me to go, she wrote, adding that she would not stop wanting more from Dave. I understand your position at the moment, she stated. She ended that email saying he could expect her to continue to ask for a commitment from him in the following months.
Liz was trying to pin Dave down, and it made him extremely uncomfortable. How could he make it clear that he absolutely did not want to be in a monogamous, permanent relationship with her? He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and he wished she would drop the subject.
Dave took a deep breath and typed a reply that he hoped would make her back off but not completely crush her. He wrote that he’d thought he’d made his position clear and added, “I’m prepared to understand that you want more and will ask again. That’s cool. Are you prepared to hear ‘no’ again?” How much more-blunt could he be? he wondered as he hit the send button.
Maybe, Liz responded and pointed out that they’d been seeing each other for months, as if that gave her the right to demand more from him. She ended that email asking, What do I need to do to get you to take a chance? Seven minutes later, before he could respond, she sent another email. I guess hearing “no” isn’t that big of a deal. It does make me wonder what is wrong with me. Wonder if I’m just a rebound. I guess with almost four months invested, I figured I’d get more from you.
Dave felt bad that Liz felt bad. Why couldn’t she grasp that the fact that he wanted his freedom wasn’t a rejection of her? There was so much that she didn’t seem to get. When he read her next words, he realized how true that was. Liz wrote, I always feel we take a small step forward, then you go to Amy, then we take ten steps backward. Am I really always going to have to play this tug of war for you to drop the damn past?
Once again, he tried to explain that the mother of his children wasn’t the issue. Well, I hardly talk to Amy, and I never see her, so it’s not that. He hit send, and a reply appeared almost immediately.
Are you scared of me? Liz asked. Do you think I will cheat on you? Do you think you’re not good enough?
He’d rather put the blame on himself than hurt her feelings and was glad she’d steered the discussion in