as a male,” said Ash. “A female would have gone at once to this creature, Lasher. A female, living only among females, could not have been prevented from doing it. Why send mortal men to capture such a prize and such a foe? Oh, I know to you I don’t seem formidable, but you might be very surprised by my tales. Take comfort: your brothers and your sisters are not dupes of the Order itself. But I believe that you have hit upon the truth in your considerations. It is not the Elders who subverted the avowed purpose of the Talamasca, so that they might capture this creature, Lasher. It was some other small coterie of members who have discovered the secrets of the old breed.”
Ash stopped. It was as if the air had been emptied of music suddenly. Ash was still regarding Yuri with patient, simple eyes.
“You have to be right,” said Yuri softly. “I can’t bear it if you are not.”
“We have it in our power to discover the truth,” said Ash. “The three of us together. And frankly, though I cared for you immediately upon meeting you, and would help because you are a fellow creature, and because my heart is tender to you in general, I must help you for another reason. I can remember when there was no Talamasca. I can remember when it was one man. I can remember when its catacombs enclosed a library no bigger than this room. I can remember when it became two members, and then three, and later five, and then it was ten. I can remember all these things, and those who came together to found it, I knew them and I loved them. And of course my own secret, my own story, is hidden somewhere in their records, these records being translated into modern tongues, and stored electronically.”
“What he’s saying,” said Samuel, harshly but slowly for all his annoyance, “is that we don’t want the Talamasca to be subverted. We don’t want its nature to change. The Talamasca knows too much about us for such a thing to be tolerated. It knows too much about too many things. With me, it’s no matter of loyalty, really. It’s a matter of wanting to be left alone.”
“I do speak of loyalty,” said Ash. “I speak of love and of gratitude. I speak of many things.”
“Yes, I see it now,” said Yuri. He could feel himself growing tired—the inevitable finish to emotional tumult, the inevitable rescue, the leaden, defeated need for sleep.
“If they knew about me,” said Ash in a low voice, “this little group would come for me as surely as they came for this creature, Lasher.” He made a little accepting gesture. “Human beings have done this before. Any great library of secrets is dangerous. Any cache of secrets can be stolen.”
Yuri had started to cry. He didn’t make a sound. The tears never spilled. His eyes filled with water. He stared at the cup of tea. He’d never drunk it, and now it was cold. He took the linen napkin, unfolded it, and wiped his eyes. It was too rough, but he didn’t care. He was hungry for the sweets on the plate, but didn’t want to eat them. After a death, it seemed not proper to eat them.
Ash went on: “I don’t want to be the guardian angel of the Talamasca,” he said. “I never wanted this. But there have been times in the past when the Order has been threatened. I will not, if I can prevent it, see the Order hurt or destroyed.”
“There are many reasons, Yuri,” said Samuel, “why a little band of Talamasca renegades might try to trap this Lasher. Think what a trophy he would be. They are human beings perhaps who would capture a Taltos for no earthly reason. They are not men of science or magic or religion. They are not even scholars. But they would have this rare and indescribable creature; they would have it to look upon, to talk to, to examine and to know, and to breed under their watchful eyes, of course, inevitably.”
“They would have it to chop it to pieces, perhaps,” said Ash. “Lamentably, they would have it to stick it with needles and see if it screamed.”
“Yes, it makes such good sense,” said Yuri. “A plot from outside. Renegades or outsiders. I’m tired. I need to sleep in a bed. I don’t know why I said such terrible things to you both.”