Tall, Duke, and Dangerous (Hazards of Dukes #2) - Megan Frampton Page 0,92

turning to Nash.

Who kept his mouth closed. And his fists clenched.

“Sebastian and Thaddeus are right,” he said at last, the words sounding as though they were being extracted from him by force. “I’m not worthy of you. But if you think I am, and we want to—” He stopped speaking, shaking his head as though the words were gone.

That was an even worse proposal than the one Lord Brunley had given her. At least Lord Brunley had pretended he wanted to get married. Nash’s words made it sound as though he were being pressured, and the one thing she absolutely did not want was someone to take her reluctantly.

She’d had that already when Sebastian’s mother had been forced to accommodate her in the household. She refused to be resented every day simply because of who she was, and what she had done. What they had done together.

The one thing she knew for certain was that she would not compromise—she would own her contradictions. She could want to be with him even though she would never agree to it, not with the kind of weak offer he was making now.

“You are right in one thing,” she said. “You don’t deserve me.”

Even though she loved him. And that he likely loved her, but there was something so wrong, so damaged, that was blocking him from telling her.

This was the worst possible time to realize it. Not that she hadn’t suspected for some time—her acute fascination with him, her intense desire to kiss him, her need to make certain he was at least relatively happy might have been clues.

“Tell me why I’m wrong.” She kept her gaze locked on his face, feeling her heart hurt at his shuttered expression. Tell me.

What was worth keeping so hidden? Was it worth making himself miserable for the rest of his life? Making them miserable?

Because it wasn’t arrogance to know that he would be miserable without her. Everything he’d shown her—even if he had yet to tell her—told her that.

And still he stayed silent.

She was good enough to fight and fuck, but not good enough to love.

“Tell her!” Sebastian demanded, poking Nash in the arm.

Nash looked grim.

“If you can’t tell her whatever it is she needs to know,” Thaddeus said, “perhaps you can tell her you will leave her be so she can find her own happiness. She deserves better.”

Nash growled in response.

“You want to hit me, don’t you?” Thaddeus said, glancing to Nash’s fists. Which unclenched as Ana Maria watched. “You won’t talk, so you hit.”

“I’m not going to hit you,” Nash replied, each word emerging as though it was being dragged from his lips. “I choose not to.” He glanced over at Ana Maria, just for a moment, and then he stalked past them, all of them, through the gardens and out of sight.

Ana Maria watched his retreating form as she felt her heart crumble into pieces.

He didn’t deserve her.

That was the only thought that kept screaming through his head. He felt raw and bruised, aching from wanting to tell her how he felt, thwarted in his attempts because of his own failure.

He raised his fist to punch the wall of the carriage, but froze before impact. It wouldn’t do any good. He knew that now.

Ironic that the most incredible time of his life—being with her in that building, watching as she broke apart—was followed by the worst time in his life.

Although perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps there would be even worse times still. Times when he had to watch as she married someone else, someone who gave her flowers and warmth and words.

While he existed.

He didn’t want to just exist anymore.

Rich, coming from him, the person who’d decided years ago to only think of things in shades of gray. Never allowing himself to enjoy, or even feel, the colorful world she inhabited for fear he would lose control.

But now he did want to live in her world. Even though it terrified him. Even though the thought of saying any of it out loud struck him silent as the agony of his love tore through him.

What if those colors overwhelmed his emotions so much he lashed out?

What if he wasn’t able to tolerate such extremes, and lost himself in a world of color and furiously intense behavior, a place where reason wasn’t welcome?

But he’d be with her. She would keep him on a measured course. She knew how to navigate this world that terrified him.

Did he just want her because he didn’t trust himself?

No. He