Talking Dirty with the CEO - By Jackie Ashenden Page 0,68
to break this up, but would you guys like to go somewhere more private?”
As if realizing where he was for the first time, Joseph looked around and took in the avid faces of the assembled Total Tech staff. Something in his gaze must have been rather menacing because abruptly they scattered, all of them seeming to have urgent tasks to do.
He pushed himself away from Christie’s desk. “I don’t care who’s bloody watching. I love this woman and I’m not ashamed to say it.” Then he glanced at her and frowned. Leaned over and gently brushed away a rogue tear that had escaped without her permission. “On second thought, maybe that’s a good idea.”
“Try Ben’s office. He’s on leave today.” Marisa raised a pointed eyebrow. “All day.”
But Christie was barely taking in anything, reeling from Joseph’s very public confession.
As Joseph ushered her into Ben’s tiny office, closing the door very firmly behind them, she burst out. “I don’t understand. What changed, Joseph?”
He didn’t answer immediately, beginning to pace in front of the door, hands thrust in the pockets of his jeans. His gaze never left hers, the look in them pinning her to the spot. After a moment he said, “What changed? It’s very simple. I realized I couldn’t live without you.”
Pressure in her chest, squeezing so tight. “You said you didn’t deserve me.”
“And I don’t. But I’m a selfish bastard, and not having you was worse than having you and hurting you.”
“Joseph, I—”
“Do you still love me?” He’d stopped pacing.
“W-what?”
“Do you still love me, Christie? Answer me.”
She couldn’t lie. Already difficult for her, Joseph’s confession had now just made it impossible. “Yes,” she croaked out.
He let out a breath, relief obvious in his eyes. But he made no move toward her, just stood there with his hands in his pockets. “I want you. I want you more than my next breath. But the choice has to be yours. I’m not an easy person to live with. The ADHD makes relationships hard to maintain. I’ve…lost friends in the past. Lost people I’ve cared about.” A small hesitation. “My mother left because of me.”
“I…I thought you said you didn’t know why she left.”
“No. I know. But my ADHD was severe. I had lots of behavioral problems. Learning difficulties. I got in trouble all the time. I just didn’t have any control over my behavior. My mother couldn’t cope. Dad was away a lot and…she couldn’t handle me.” His voice sounded unsteady. “At first she used to lock me in my bedroom just to contain me. That worked for a while but then, when I got bigger, I kicked a hole through the wall so I could get out. So after that she used to lock herself in her bedroom to get away from me.”
There was an ache in her throat, more tears lurking behind her eyes ready to flood out of her. Hurting for him. For the small boy he’d once been. “Oh, God, Joseph…”
“I used to hear her crying. And I knew it was because of me.”
Christie took a step toward him but he held up his hand, a raw look on his face. “Don’t. Don’t touch me. I want to be with you, Christie. More than anything in the world. But you have to understand what it will be like if you choose me. And you have to be sure. Because I can’t change. All I can do is manage who I am. And if…if…” His voice shook. “If you can’t handle it. If you can’t handle me…” Anguish in his eyes. An old pain. An old fear. “If you left me, if you ended up hating me, I don’t think I could bear it a second time.”
Joseph’s figure wavered in front of her, tears obscuring her vision. Everything ached. Her throat, her chest, her heart.
She walked up to him, right up close. Then reached up and touched his face with her hand, her palm against the warm skin of his jaw. He looked at her, his mouth a grim line.
“I don’t want you to change. I don’t want you to be different. All I’ve ever seen is this incredible energy, this intensity, this amazing intelligence. Why do you think you’re so successful?”
She heard him take a breath, saw the denial in his eyes. “I don’t think you understa—”
“No,” she said, cutting him off. “Actually I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand.” She lifted her hands, took his face between them. “You told me you can’t change, and