only one who wasn’t, was my brother, who’d finally stood up straight, watching me.
And the most stunning thing of all was that he had tears running down his cheeks. He slowly approached, and I felt Lucas tense at my side, ready for anything. But I knew Derek better. My brother was fucked-up and selfish most of the time but he wasn’t violent. He’d never hit me, even when he was high.
He stopped right in front of me, unabashedly crying and making no effort to wipe his face. “Kat,” he croaked in a voice that broke. “I’m sorry, sis. I’m sorry I put you through this. I’m sorry I broke this family. I’m just sorry.”
Gawd. Now I was losing it again. That feeling like I’d swallowed a handful of nails. I hadn’t cried this much in—well since that incident in Lucas’s den the previous month. My eyes ached and my cheeks were raw with salty tears.
Ugh. It would be so much easier if I could just hate Derek.
But I loved him.
He was my brother. He was a fuck-up. He was sick. But he was Derek. And I loved him.
I reached out my hand and grabbed his, squeezing it and looked him straight in the eye through my tears. I summoned up the lessons I’d learned from all those tenets at Al-Anon meetings and from my own therapy and in my reading. “If you love me. If you love all of us. Give us the best gift ever—get better. But don’t do it just for us. Do it for yourself.”
I’d heard that he might get sentenced to as many as two years in jail if he was convicted. And though the thought of my brother in jail made me ill, I knew that nothing I could have done, even if I had lied, would have made him better. He had to decide to fight for it and no one else could do it for him.
Derek’s face dropped into his hands and Mum was comforting him. And for once, I didn’t begrudge her that. She and I might not ever see eye to eye, but it didn’t matter anymore. I was a grown woman, and I had to live my life for me now.
“Good bye, Mum. Bye Dad.”
I stepped back and Lucas guided me, his arm around my shoulder. He turned us around so we were walking away from them. They didn’t call after me.
And I didn’t look back.
Instead I kept walking. And before I even realized it, I was leaning against him, resting my head against his shoulder. His arm tightened, and we kept walking.
I knew that there was a park nearby with a trail. I’d catch the cab for my hotel soon, but for right now, I just needed to be away.
And I needed to know why the hell he was here.
Once we were safely down the thickly wooded path, I stopped. Every fifty feet or so, there were wooden park benches, covered trash cans and those little dispensers for bags to put your dog poop in. But at midday on a weekday, there was hardly anyone here.
I faced him and he stopped, staring at me, allowing me to extricate myself from his hold.
He had his laptop bag slung over his shoulder and began fishing through the front pocket until he pulled out a rumpled but clean In-n-Out napkin.
I thanked him and began mopping up my face and blowing my nose loud enough to summon small animals to my aid. “Wow the napkin is giving me flashbacks to our glorious wedding.”
“I’ve got another one. Here.” He tried to take the snotty one from me but I wouldn’t let him. Gross. Why’d he want that? “Let me throw it away for you.”
I stuffed it into my pocket instead. “Why are you here? What happened with the presentation?”
He hesitated, staring at me and taking a deep breath before letting it go. “It’s not important what happened with the presentation. What’s important is that I fucked up massively by letting you come up here by yourself after promising you I’d be here for you.”
I rubbed at my sore eyes.
“Well, as you see, I managed to do it myself…” I took a deep gulp of air. “But I’m glad you showed up when you did. I was feeling mighty alone out there on that sidewalk.”
He blew out a breath and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Kat. I wish I could have been there for you.”