and as we held that stare, my chest tightened and my heart thrummed. Yes, he was trying to show me how easy this could be. How I could be free of this monkey on my back forever.
But there was another monkey and, much as I was frustrated, angry and hurt, I wasn’t sure how to deal with that one. Crazy, really, to think of your own family as a monkey on your back. Once I did this, I’d be effectively cutting them off, possibly forever.
“Kat,” he said in a low voice.
My jaw clenched and tears prickled the backs of my eyes. I blinked fiercely. “Don’t,” I said in a low and shaky voice. “I know what you’re going to say.”
He reached across the table, holding his palm up for my hand but when I didn’t give it to him, he slowly retracted. “I care about you. I want you to be free of this. I know you want it—”
“It’s not that simple,” I murmured back.
To my surprise he was silent for a long moment before continuing. “I know that too. Your situation is different from mine was but there are definite similarities. One important difference, though, is that you’re not alone. I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”
It was difficult to swallow, and I was about to become very emotional. And damn it, I’d already lost it once in front of him. He would not be witness to that again. That ugly-hideous cry had been enough for any man to have to put up with for a lifetime.
“I need to go think about this for a bit. I think I’m going to log on and go kill some stuff on the game. That always helps me think.”
He grinned, straightening. Only a true gamer would understand that sentiment and Lucas was absolutely a true gamer.
Hours passed, and I watched the clock, soloed my way through two challenging dungeon quests and used that time to think through every scenario with my family situation. It all sounded so easy and logical the way Lucas had put it. There was no denying it.
And Lucas himself. How amazing was he? Yeah, he was acting a bit weird today, but I put that down to our return to the real world. To say nothing of the harrowing confrontation with his parents the day before. Anyone would be distracted after that.
But his kindness, his admission that he cared, his offer to be there with me when I finally faced my past demons…. Those things I couldn’t stop thinking about.
Somewhere inside my heart, emotion churned, and I wondered, questioned and theorized. Not only were my thoughts racing and spinning like a stock car down a tight track, but my feelings were overflowing and mixed up. The old and the new. The having to cut ties with my former life and face the strange and thrilling prospects that this new one held.
Was I ready?
I was tough. I’d done so much alone. But I didn’t want to do this alone.
Hours later, it was early afternoon. We’d walked the dog in silence and then grabbed some lunch. My eyes drifted toward the clock, aware that I could settle this with a phone call. The phone number was in each one of those lawyer letters sitting on the kitchen table.
I chewed my lip and glanced at Lucas who had pushed me no further since I’d told him I needed time to think. “So… if I made that call. I’d have to go to Canada. Pretty soon. Like in the next week or two.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“But we have work,” I hedged.
“Well we asked for a week off and we’re back three days early. We could opt to go in tomorrow and explain that we need a few days next week. It’s a fairly short flight, isn’t it?”
“About three hours.”
He nodded, thinking. “We could fly up early in the morning and you could go straight to the pros—er—Crown counsel’s office. Just walk in, answer their questions—”
“For the examination of discovery, my brother’s lawyers would also be involved. They’d be there to cross-examine. And Derek would have the right to be there if he wanted.”
“But not your parents, if it’s done the same way as it is here. Or anyone else, right?”
I nodded.
“And you would in no way be obligated to speak to his lawyers before you make your statement.”
I let go a long sigh. “All right, I’m going to call them and see when they can take me in before I