never hear a thing from Jake, but I didn’t expect to. We both had one weak moment together, and that’s where it will stay.
My mind is restless in sleep. I must have dreamed over and over again about last night. It’s like my mind is trying to re-enact what happened, taking note of more and more detail about our love making. I don’t even realize I’m crying until I hear Jessie’s voice.
“Ana, baby, you’re dreaming, wake up. Ana, it’s only a dream. He’s not here to harm you. I swear.”
I grab at Jessie, clutching onto her arms. She strokes my hair as I sob painfully into her shoulder. I feel like someone is stabbing me multiple times in the stomach, the pain is so excruciating and nauseous.
“I wasn’t dreaming about him,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Oh, Ana, I can’t stand to see you like this, it breaks my heart. I wish you and Jake weren’t going through all this shit, but I’m here for you.” She kisses the top of my head before sweeping my hair from my face. “I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. I’m your number one fan,” she croaks out creepily.
Laughter quickly replaces my sobs. She always knows the right things to say, even in the worst circumstances.
“It’s almost six, do you want me to make you some coffee, or do you want to try and get some more sleep?”
“Don’t you want to go back to bed? I feel terrible waking you.”
“That’s okay, I was awake anyway. I was about to make myself some coffee when I heard you.”
“Thanks, Jessie, coffee would be great right about now.”
The rest of the day is hard. Being back to square one is not a good feeling. My mind constantly races along with my heart. Every time the phone rings or a text comes in, I jump, but none of the calls or texts are from Jake. They’re all for Jessie. She and Jerry are very much in love, so of course, they are constantly calling and texting each other. I just wish I wasn’t so self-involved that I could make the effort to be glad for her. It all sounds terribly selfish, but it’s the way I currently feel.
I’m not looking forward to tomorrow at all. I know I’m going to have to face Jake again, and I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to do it after leaving him after our love making. I know it was a crappy thing to do, but what’s the alternative? Any longer with him and I would have given in to anything he asked of me.
29
Walking into work with Jessie, I feel sick with nerves. I place all my belongings on my desk, spying a few people staring at me. I spot Tom, who makes a beeline over to me with a big grin.
“I had a great night Saturday, and it looked like you did too. What have you done with him?”
“Excuse me?” I ask, confused.
“Mr. Bennett, he’s not here. Have you exhausted him so much that he’s still in bed?”
I snap my head towards Jessie with a frown, and she shrugs her shoulders. I suddenly have a bad feeling in my stomach, and the only way to find out if he’s okay is to call Matthew.
I tell Tom and Jessie I have to make a call, rummaging through my bag to grab my phone. My heart nearly stops when I see a text message from Matthew, wondering if his dad had stayed with me since Saturday night. With all my panic buttons pressed, I frantically dial Jake’s number over and over again about twenty times before I eventually give up.
“Try calling the hotel. Maybe he’s taking some time off and decided to stay out there,” she suggests.
In that moment, I’m so glad she’s with me. My head isn’t thinking straight. I dial the number, and sure enough he’s still checked in at the hotel. I ask the lady at reception to dial his room for me, but again there’s no answer.
Once I hang up, I turn to Jessie. “I have no other choice. I’m going to have to go down there after him. I can’t leave him like this. It’s all my fault this has happened anyway.” She grimaces —giving me a look that tells me she still feels guilty about what she did, but I’ve already told her a thousand times there’s no need to be.