I head for the shower and get ready for work. As I’m getting dressed, my stomach pangs, wondering if I will see Jake at work this morning. It’s a terrible notion to have every time I wake up. It makes me wonder if I will ever get used to seeing him. A part of me thinks I never will, and the prospect of that breaks my heart. Maybe Michael’s right in suggesting a move to another state. I wonder how easy it would be to make a transfer someplace else.
That thought also brings a pang of pain to my stomach. I seriously don’t know what’s worse. Having to see Jake almost every day, knowing that I can’t be with him, or being so many miles away from him that I may never see him again.
I know in my heart that will never be true, as despite what’s going on with Jake, I am a part of his life. For one, there’s the notion that he may very well be the father of my unborn brother, but it’s not just that. I love Matthew as if he were my own blood. That’s something that can never be altered or replaced.
“Fancy a ride in with me?” I ask Jessie as she hands me a coffee. I need something else to think about other than Jake twenty-four-seven and having Jesse in the car to distract me will do just that.
“I would, but I need to leave a little earlier today. Dental appointment.” I nod my head, taking a sip of my coffee. “I am so looking forward to our little trip on Saturday.” I can tell how excited she is by the way her eyes light up at the thought. It makes me chuckle.
“Me too. It’s not just the party itself, it’s the fact that it will be nice to get away from everything—even if it is only for a little more than twenty-four hours.”
Jessie’s face softens, and she reaches her hand out to me, placing it on mine. “It will get better.”
My heart aches at the thought. “Will it? Sometimes I’m not so sure.”
“At the moment both you and Jake are stuck in limbo with this constant what if always hovering above your heads. What if the baby’s not Jake’s? What if the baby is? I think until that time comes, you’ll both always feel this … I don’t know … void or unfinished business.”
That thought angers me. “I don’t know why my mum can’t just put Jake out of his misery and do the test.”
Jessie sighs before placing her coffee cup down. “I think there’re a few reasons for that. One, she either knows Jake isn’t the father, or two, she is not sure if Jake is the father and is frightened to death that the truth will come out. Or three—and this is the most frightening of all—she likes seeing you and Jake suffering.” She closes her eyes before shaking her head. “I hate to believe a mother could stoop to that level, but after all the things you’ve told me about your mom—especially this latest revelation—nothing would surprise me.”
Once I had calmed from my visit yesterday morning, I rang Jessie and told her everything that had transpired between us, so she’s all up-to-date with my latest saga. I inwardly groan. My life is like a soap opera.
“To be honest, all of those thoughts have unfortunately crossed my mind. There is a reason why she’s holding back for now. But as in everything in life, the truth eventually will come out.”
She pats my hand. “Exactly. Until then, you and Jake will just have to be a little patient. Somehow, you’ll get through this mess one way or the other. And you both will.”
I smile at her. “Thanks.”
“No sweat,” she replies, getting up from her seat. “Do you want me to make you some breakfast before we leave?”
I check my watch, noting that it’s almost ten to eight. “No, thanks. I’m going to get something out. Fancy coming with? I could really do with some pancakes.”
Her little eyes light up. “Are you buying?”
I giggle. “Of course.”
“Well then, hell yes! Let me just grab my bag.”
She disappears into her room, and I down my coffee in one go before grabbing my things. We both drive in separate cars to the diner, and once we’ve both sat, ate, and consumed even more coffee, I’m not only stuffed, but my bladder feels like it’s going to explode.