get in when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I stiffen before turning to face him. Jake is standing in front of me, looking like a defeated man.
“I swear to you that this is all innocent,” he begins. “She has nowhere else to go. I couldn’t see her living on the streets. The landlord told me it’ll be three days maximum. Plus, she’s been having some issues with pain, so I couldn’t put her in a hotel either. I had to take her for a scan yesterday.”
I grip my eyes shut at the pain of realizing he’s becoming a father. It’s almost as if it’s only now dawning on me. The selfish side of me wanted that for us one day, but it seems that Stella has taken all of those possibilities away. “Is the baby okay?” I ask, knowing that this is a priority over anything else.
He nods. “The baby’s fine.” I see the agony in his eyes as my gut twists.
“That’s great news,” I reply, trying to smile for him. I’m so happy that the baby is okay, but my heart is aching at the thought he went to a scan with Stella and possibly held her hand as he saw a glimpse of his unborn baby.
His unborn son.
By the pained look on Jake’s face, I know there is so much he wants to say, but he also realizes that this isn’t the time or place. I think he also understands that no matter what he says, it won’t lessen the pain any.
Knowing I can’t hang around much longer, I take one look over Jake’s shoulder and see Stella waiting for Jake to return. When she spots me looking she smirks, placing her hand on her belly again. I look away.
I also need to get away.
“I have to go. Stella needs you.”
Before I slide in the car, I notice the panic in Jake’s eyes. He doesn’t say anything, though. What can he say? I’m acutely aware that this situation is just as difficult for him as it is for me. I’m not selfish enough not to realize that.
As I drive back to Jessie’s, I come to the conclusion that it was just as well that what happened back there took place. If Stella hadn’t been there, I can hazard a guess as to what would have happened. Jake would have kissed me, and I wouldn’t have been able to say no if he wanted to take me upstairs to his bedroom. All thoughts of Stella and the baby would have been the last thing on my mind. At least now that I know she’s there and is very much a part of his life, it keeps giving me that reason to stay away.
But then again, … isn’t that always much easier said than done?
17
To keep my mind occupied after my run-in with my mother and Jake, I concentrate on doing some housework. An extremely monotonous task, but one that does the trick. I very much need to occupy my mind after seeing what I did only a few hours earlier.
I feel better about my situation now that I’m doing something to show how grateful I am to Jessie for letting me stay here. Jessie had no plans for the weekend as Jerry is away in New York until Sunday, so I asked her to come out with Matthew, Cindy, and me tonight. She agrees.
We sit at the same table at Dino’s as last time, and the same waitress comes to serve us. After she takes our orders, I turn my head to Matthew who’s sitting opposite me.
“I must say, you’re looking rather dapper this evening, Matthew, and you get bigger every time I see you. Are you working out or something?”
He does look great. He’s wearing a pink polo shirt which is accentuating his well-defined muscles.
“Yeah, I have been working out in dad’s gym a bit. Sometimes I need to let off some steam.”
His mentioning Jake reminds me of the conversation he and I had in his car. I must talk with Matthew about this, but I don’t want to in front of Jessie and Cindy. It wouldn’t be right somehow. I try to change the subject by talking to Cindy. “How are you getting on, Cindy?”
She smiles sweetly and replies, “Fine, thanks. School is back in, and it sucks, but I had a great summer with Matthew, so I can’t really complain.”
She looks over to him and smiles. I can see by the way they look