shift a little uncomfortably in my seat. The familiar burn is there again, and I hate my body for reacting.
He notices my unease. “I’m sorry. I’m making you uncomfortable. I don’t mean to do it, but it is hard for me to keep quiet when it comes to you. For so long, I kept my feelings to myself, and it tore me apart. I refuse to keep silent about you now. I even told Stella how I feel about you.”
I gasp, almost choking on my food. “You did what?”
His expression turns hard. “You look at me as if I’ve made you my dirty little secret. I’ve told you time and time again that you were never and will never be my dirty little secret. I don’t care what anyone else thinks—least of all her.”
I swallow down the bite I’ve just taken and part my mouth in surprise. “What did she say?”
He still looks annoyed when he responds. “It doesn’t matter what she said. I told her that I never loved her, will never love her, and that I’m head over heels for you. No one can stand in the way of that. You can’t fight freewill, no matter how hard you try. So I told her that her efforts are fruitless.”
I know there’s more to the conversation than he’s letting on, but I doubt he’s going to tell me. To be honest, I’m more shocked than anything. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’ve told her how I feel. The rest is up to you. I know this is not what you want to hear, so I won’t dwell on the subject any more than necessary. Just know I love you, and nothing’s going to change that.”
A part of me wants to scream that I love him too. I would love nothing more than to have him pick me up, take me home and make love to me over and over again. The only thing that stops me—and that will stop me every time—is not only the baby, but also the fresh memory in my head of that day he pretended I never existed.
I place my fork down to say something, but he puts his hand up. “Don’t, it’s okay. I don’t expect anything from you. I understand I hurt you badly, and I would do anything in my power to take that back. Sometimes I wish I were Doctor Who.”
I smile despite myself. He always used to watch Doctor Who with me as he knows how much I like it. He pretended he only watched it to please me, but I know he secretly liked it just as much as I do. Though he would never admit it to me, of course.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Jake, that day wasn’t the best day in my lifetime…”
“I’m not talking about that day.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I would go back to the very beginning, before we ever even met. I would wait here, as I remember you telling me you used to come here after one of your fitness classes and have a slice of their carrot cake. You said it was your treat after your class, that you didn’t feel guilty about having it as you had already burned it off. You said that since it was carrot, you thought you were having a dose of your five a day.” He pauses for a moment, smiling. “I would have been here, waiting for you. I would have met you first. I know exactly where we would be now if that had happened.”
Why does he always do that? Know exactly the right things to say. “You remember all of that?” I ask, stunned.
“Ana, I’ve already told you before. I remember everything about you. Everything.”
When he talks to me like that it just makes the whole situation that much harder. I love him so much, with all my heart. It hurts like hell to keep away from him when he says those sweet, precious words to me. How dare he make me love him so much?
He places his hand on mine and traces my knuckles with his fingertips. The feeling sends a shiver down my spine. I close my eyes in surrender, willing my body to react and pull my hand away, but my treacherous body wins out.
“You still love me, don’t you?” I open my eyes, and the tears begin to threaten. I feel his piercing into my soul, and I almost gasp