Take the Chance (Top Shelf Romance #9) - Brittainy Cherry Page 0,170

to, so many times but I was scared. But how…how did you find out?”

“I found out at the preliminary custody hearing for my child,” Sawyer spat. “The Abbotts investigated this entire fucking building. Now, in the eyes of that judge, I’m the kind of guy who leaves his kid either with unlicensed childcare all day or drug addicts.”

I stiffened all over. “I’m not a drug addict,” I said, my voice quavering. “Not anymore. I’m recovering. I don’t even drink. Max isn’t a drug dealer, for God’s sake. He was my NA sponsor. That means—”

“I know what it means,” Sawyer said. “I just have no fucking clue what I should think about it. Jesus, Darlene.”

He shook his head and the stony exterior started to shatter; I could feel the tension radiating off of him as he tried to hold himself together.

“Did you lose her?” I asked, my voice hardly a whisper. “Because of me?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over.” He shook his head, then planted one hand on the wall as if it were the only thing keeping him standing. “It’s all over.”

And I knew he meant me, too. Whatever we had had, it was gone now. I’d tried, once again, to hold on by not telling him, and it all was wrenched out of my fingers.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “For so much. For everything.”

Sawyer raised his eyes to mine and for a split second the hard, stony exterior cracked and the pain flooded out. He opened his mouth to speak, and at that moment, lightning flashed and a booming thunder followed after. Rain lashed the windows in a sudden deluge, as if the sky had cracked open.

The sound woke up Olivia; the baby monitor chirped with her fussing. Neither of us moved and that ugly feeling of wanting to escape everything I was and all I had done came over me. I hurried to Olivia’s room.

She was standing in her crib, and her sleepy little face broke into a smile to see me.

“Dareen.”

She held her arms to me and I picked her up; held her close for a moment, breathing in her sweet, baby powder smell. Her arms went around my neck, squeezing tears from my eyes in her little hug.

It felt like goodbye.

Back in the living room, Sawyer stood with his arms crossed, his gaze cast down and his expression hard again.

“Look who’s awake,” I said weakly.

“Daddy,” Olivia said, her voice still cloudy with sleep.

Sawyer looked up at Olivia and me, his face a blank mask. And then he strode forward and took the baby out of my arms.

My skin went cold all over; I felt where Olivia’s warmth had been, and a goose bumps raised on my skin. Sawyer took his child a few steps away and turned his back on me.

“Okay,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. A thousand more words rose up behind that one: how I’d been clean for almost two years, the progress I’d made, how proud Max was...

Max. He was gone. That pain hit me in the chest to join that of Sawyer’s silent rejection. Tears drowned every other word I had, and I grabbed my bag off the kitchen chair.

“Okay,” I managed again. “Okay.”

It was all I could say and yet nothing was okay. Not one thing.

I went to the door and opened it. Sawyer stood in profile to me, his gaze over Olivia’s head, full of thoughts but none for me. His silence was worse than a thousand condemning words.

“Goodbye.”

My voice broke and Sawyer’s head whipped toward me, his hard features morphing into pain and regret, and his mouth opened as if he might finally have something more to say, but I shut the door between us.

Outside in the hallway, I leaned my forehead against the cool wood. Rain smattered the small window in the hallway, and lightning lit up the night sky. I pushed off the door, and headed out instead of up. Out into the cold wind and rain that had doused the summer heat. It tore through my clothing. I was drenched immediately and shivered hard enough to rattle my teeth.

There’s a bar two blocks down. Someone there will know someone. Know where I can score. Whiskey sour and a pill, and who gives a shit what Sawyer thinks of me.

“Max,” I whispered, like a cry for help. The wind tore the word and drowned it in rain. I looked up and down the street to see if I could still catch him, but there was no Max.