Take the Chance (Top Shelf Romance #9) - Brittainy Cherry Page 0,139

guess. For her sake. My mom died in a car accident when I was a kid,” he said all at once, then swallowed. “She was killed by a drunk driver.”

My hand flew to my throat. “Oh my God, Sawyer. I’m so sorry. How old were you?”

“Eight,” he said. “My little brother, Emmett, was four. Worst fucking day of our lives.”

My eyes stung with tears at the sudden image of two little boys learning they no longer had a mother. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged, as if he could minimize the whole thing, but I could see the pain behind his deep brown eyes. A muscle in his jaw ticked.

“Anyway, the guy who killed her had been arrested twice before,” he said, his voice hardening. “And both times he pled before a judge he wouldn’t do it again, that he’d cleaned up his act. The prosecutor was weak. He didn’t push hard enough. Three weeks after his latest release from jail for DUI, the guy drove his truck—on a suspended license—into my mom’s car as she was coming home from work.”

I shook my head. “That’s so awful.”

“I don’t like talking about it, and I don’t want to write it about it, either, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“Judge Miller has asked us to write a brief about a personal incident in our lives and how we’d handle it as prosecutors.”

“Judge Miller, this is the guy you’re trying to have a clerkship with?”

Sawyer nodded. “And I plan to write about my mother, but it makes me so fucking angry and…”

“Hurt?” I offered gently.

Sawyer shrugged. “I don’t have time to hurt. Maybe that’s my problem. Miller told me I lack feeling.” He scoffed. “I have no idea what that means. Law doesn’t have feelings. It has direction. It tells you where to go and what comes next.”

“But that’s not how life is,” I said.

Sawyer’s head shot up. “What did you say?”

“Life has no guide map. Things happen and people react, and no two people will do the same thing.” Now I plucked at the grass at the edge of the blanket. “Some people are beyond saving, like that asshole who…killed your mom. But not everyone is like that.”

“He was given plenty of chances,” Sawyer said darkly. “He threw them away.”

“So you don’t believe in second chances anymore?” I asked, my voice sounding high and tight in my own ears.

Sawyer watched me for a minute, his dark eyes full of thoughts. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know. It shouldn’t be about what I believe. It should be about what I can do. The law failed my mom. I’m going to make sure it doesn’t fail anyone else.”

“He sounds nice, this Judge Miller,” I said after a moment. I plucked another blade of grass.

Sawyer nodded. “He is. Sometimes I wonder why I’m in the running for a clerkship with him in the first place.”

“Because you have plenty of feelings,” I said, shocked at my old boldness but it was too late now. The words had come flying out and there was no taking them back. “And he probably sees it.”

Sawyer looked at me from across the blanket. Between us, Olivia dozed. He covered her eyes with a little sunhat. “I do believe in second chances. For her, I do. For criminals like the guy who killed my mom?” He shook his head. “Once a person crosses over the line, it’s too easy do it again and again.”

“What line?”

“Breaking the law,” Sawyer said. “Falling back into drugs and alcohol, or stealing or murder or…any criminal act.”

I nodded and looked away, into the gulf of sadness that opened between us. The idea of telling him about my past felt even more impossible.

He won’t see me anymore, only my record. A criminal.

I cleared my throat. “Tell me about your brother, Emmett. Where is he now?”

“Good question. Last I heard he was heading toward Tibet. He travels all over. Doesn’t have a permanent address. After our mom died, he ran away a lot. He always came back but when he got older, he stayed away longer. Dropped out of school, even though he has a genius IQ. Or maybe because of it.”

A quiet, proud smile touched Sawyer’s lips. Then it faded.

“I’ve always felt like the world can’t contain Emmett. Or he’s too smart to deal with it. Like he can see all of its moving parts, and it’s too much for him. He has to keep going.