Once I’ve ended the call, I open WhatsApp. I’m much better at using this phone now, thanks to Fitz’s tutelage; he peers approvingly over my shoulder as I navigate the screen. There’s a message waiting from someone I don’t know. Fitz leans across and shows me how to accept him to my contacts.
Hi, Mrs Cotton, it’s Betsy’s grandson here. I think she’s warned you about lunch! How is Nopi, one o’clock tomorrow? All the best, Mike.
I choose Bee’s name before I reply to his message.
Hello Bee. Would you be free for lunch tomorrow? Nopi, one fifteen? Love, Eileen xx
*
Mike is not only very tall but also encouragingly handsome, though he has Betsy’s nose – but he can’t help that. He’s got thick-rimmed glasses and brown hair that curls a little, and he’s dressed in a grey suit, as though he’s just come from a terribly important meeting. I try not to get too excited as we’re seated at a perfect table: big enough to squeeze on another diner and in full view of the road so I can see Bee when she … Yes! There she is. Marvellous.
‘Eileen?’ she says, looking puzzled as she approaches the table.
She looks at Mike. The penny drops. Her eyes narrow.
‘Bee!’ I say, before she can start complaining. ‘Oh, Mike, I hope you don’t mind, I was supposed to meet my friend Bee for lunch today, so I invited her to join us.’
Mike takes this with the calm demeanour of a man who is used to surprises. ‘Hello, I’m Mike,’ he says, holding out his hand.
‘Bee,’ Bee says, in her driest, flattest, most off-putting tone.
‘Well!’ I say. ‘Isn’t this lovely? Mike, why don’t you start by telling Bee all about your education?’
Mike looks rather perplexed. ‘Let me go and ask for another chair, first,’ he says, gallantly standing and offering Bee his.
‘Thank you,’ Bee says, and then, as soon as she’s seated, she hisses, ‘Eileen! You have no shame! You cornered that poor man into blind-dating me!’
‘Oh, nonsense, he doesn’t mind,’ I say, scanning the menu.
‘Oh? And how’d you figure that one?’
I glance up. ‘He’s fixing his hair in the mirror behind the bar,’ I tell her. ‘He wants you to like the look of him.’
She swivels, then tilts her head to the side. ‘He does have a nice bum,’ she says begrudgingly.
‘Bee!’
‘What! You wanted me to like him, didn’t you, and I’ve not got much else to go on right now! Oh, hi, Mike,’ she says as he returns to the table with a waiter and chair in tow. ‘So sorry about this.’
‘Not at all,’ he says smoothly. ‘Thanks so much,’ he tells the waiter. ‘I really appreciate you going to the trouble.’
‘Polite to waiters,’ I whisper to Bee. ‘A very good sign.’
Mike looks amused. ‘Eileen,’ he says, ‘you have the advantage over me and Bee – you’re the only person at this table who has any idea who anybody else is. So. Why don’t you tell us why you wanted to matchmake me and Bee today?’
I pause, a little startled. ‘Oh, umm, well …’
I catch Bee’s expression of rather wicked amusement. She shoots Mike an appreciative glance. I narrow my eyes at them both.
‘I have spent a great deal of the last few years keeping my mouth shut about one thing or another,’ I tell them. ‘But I’ve come to realise lately that sometimes it’s better just to stick your oar in, as it were. So you shan’t make me feel embarrassed for trying to matchmake the two of you. As Bee put it – I have no shame.’ I raise a hand as Mike opens his mouth to say something. ‘No, no, let me finish. Bee is an extremely successful management consultant and plans to launch her own business any day now. Mike, you recently set up your own business about … hummus scooping.’ I wave a hand at them both. ‘Go on,’ I say. ‘Discuss.’
*
I return home feeling pleased as punch. I chaired the entirety of Bee and Mike’s date and it was a roaring success. Well, they spent the majority of it laughing, at least – some of the time at me, admittedly, but that didn’t matter. I’ve always been rather afraid of being laughed at, but when it’s on your own terms, and you’re laughing too, it turns out it can be quite fun.
I settle myself down at the breakfast counter with Leena’s laptop. There are three new messages waiting for me on my dating website.