She tilts her head. ‘That’s … Thank you,’ she says stiffly. ‘That sounds sensible.’
There’s a somewhat steely silence.
‘So you’ll give your permission for the club to go ahead?’ I prompt. ‘You’re the only person we’re waiting for.’
Her eyes twitches. ‘Fine. Yes. Fine, as long as we count everyone in and out.’
‘Of course. As agreed.’ I shake her hand. ‘It’s been a pleasure meeting you, Sally.’
Pleasure is a bit of a stretch, but needs must.
‘You too, Eileen.’
I march back to Leena’s flat.
‘All sorted with Sally in Flat 6,’ I tell Fitz, sweeping past to Leena’s bedroom.
Fitz watches me go by with his mouth hanging open.
‘How do you do that?’ he says.
*
A few nights later, Tod and I are side by side in the bedroom of his very grand townhouse, propped up on the pillows. Lying tangled in each other’s arms becomes slightly less practical when you’ve both got bad backs. That’s not to say this isn’t delightfully intimate: Tod’s arm is pressed against mine, his skin warm from lovemaking, and he’s shifted the blankets over to my side because he knows how chilly my toes get.
It’s dangerously intimate, in fact. I could get quite used to this.
A phone rings; I don’t move, because it’s always Tod’s, and it’s usually somebody very important on the other end of the line – a producer, or an agent. He reaches for the phone on the bedside table, but its screen is black. I glance over at mine: Marian calling.
I scrabble to reach it.
‘Hello?’
‘Mum?’ says Marian.
She starts to cry.
‘Marian, love, what is it?’
‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘I’ve been trying so hard to give you some space. But … I just … I can’t …’
‘Oh, love, I’m so sorry.’ I slide my feet out from under the covers and try to reach for my clothes. ‘You’ve not had …’
‘No, no, nothing like that, Mum. And I’ve been looking after myself, I promise – I’ve been eating properly, doing my yoga …’
I breathe out. It’s not for me, all that standing on one leg and bowing, but yoga has helped Marian enormously. It’s the one fad that’s stuck, not just for months but for years – she started when Carla was first diagnosed. When Marian stops doing yoga, I know things are bad.
‘That’s good, love. Has something happened with Leena, then?’
‘We had this awful shouting match in the middle of the road on Monday night, and all week I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about how she … she’s so angry, Mum. She hates me. I wasn’t there when she needed me, and now – now I’ve lost her.’
‘She doesn’t hate you, love, and you’ve not lost her. She’s hurting and angry and she’s not acknowledging it yet, but she’ll get there. I’d hoped this time with the two of you together would help, but …’
I sort through the pile of my and Tod’s clothes in a frenzy, frustrated with my slowness, trying to keep the phone to my ear with one hand.
‘I’ll come home,’ I say.
‘No, no, you mustn’t do that.’ Her voice is thick with tears. ‘I’m all right. I’m not – having one of my, you know, my moments.’
But who’s to say she won’t, any day now? And if Leena’s shouting at her in the street, who’s going to be there to keep Marian in one piece?
‘I’m coming back and that’s that. See you soon, love.’ I hang up before she can protest.
When I turn, Tod is looking at me with raised eyebrows.
‘Don’t say anything,’ I warn him.
He looks taken aback. ‘I wasn’t going to interfere,’ he says.
‘No talking about family,’ I say. ‘We both agreed. Boundaries.’
‘Of course.’ Tod pauses, watching me carefully as I dress. I wish I could move more quickly. ‘But …’
I pick up my bag from the chair by the door. ‘I’ll call you,’ I say, as I pull the door closed behind me.
Once I’m outside Tod’s house, I find a park bench and settle down to take a breath. Tod lives in a posh part of town called Bloomsbury – there are lots of green spaces edged with black iron fences, and expensive cars with tinted windows.
I can’t fathom a version of the Cotton family where we have screaming matches in the street. That’s not how we do things. How have we come to this?
I should never have left them alone together. It was pure selfishness, this trip to London, and I’m glad Marian’s brought me to my senses before she gets any worse up