would have been forgivable. But once that happened the nausea came, and I got another wrong, and another, and then my breathing started coming too fast and my brain was filled with … not fog, more like bright, bright light. Too bright to see anything by.
So when Bee stepped in and said allow me to—
Then when someone else said come on this is laughable—
And when the CEO of Upgo Finance said I think we’ve seen enough here don’t you—
I was already gone. Doubled over, gasping, quite sure I was about to die.
‘You’re OK,’ Bee’s saying now, her hands gripping mine tightly. We’re tucked away in one of the phone-call booths in the corner of the Upgo offices; Bee led me here, still hyperventilating, sweating through my shirt. ‘I’ve got you. You’re OK.’
Each breath is coming in a jagged gasp. ‘I just lost Selmount the Upgo contract, didn’t I?’ I manage.
‘Rebecca’s on a call with the CEO now. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Come on, just breathe.’
‘Leena?’ someone calls. ‘Leena, are you all right?’
I keep my eyes closed. Maybe, if I stay like this, that will not be the voice of my boss’s assistant.
‘Leena? It’s Ceci, Rebecca’s assistant?’
Gah. How did she get here so fast? The Upgo offices are at least a twenty-minute tube ride from Selmount headquarters.
‘Oh, Leena, what a mess!’ Ceci says. She joins us in the booth and rubs my shoulder in nagging circles. ‘You poor little thing. That’s right, cry it out.’
I’m not crying, actually. I breathe out slowly and look at Ceci, who is wearing a couture dress and a particularly gleeful smile, and remind myself for the hundredth time how important it is to support other women in business. I really, fully believe that. It’s a code I live by, and it’s how I plan to make it to the top.
But women are still, you know, people. And some people are just awful.
‘What can we do you for, Ceci?’ Bee asks, through gritted teeth.
‘Rebecca sent me to check you’re all right,’ she says. ‘You know. After your …’ She waggles her fingers. ‘Your little wobble.’ Her iPhone buzzes. ‘Oh! There’s an email from her now.’
Bee and I wait, shoulders tensed. Ceci reads the email inhumanely slowly.
‘Well?’ Bee says.
‘Hmm?’ says Ceci.
‘Rebecca. What did she say? Has she … Did I lose us the contract?’ I manage.
Ceci tilts her head, eyes still on her phone. We wait. I can feel the tide of panic waiting too, ready to drag me back under.
‘Rebecca’s sorted it – isn’t she a marvel? They’re retaining Selmount on this project and have been very understanding, considering,’ Ceci says eventually, with a little smile. ‘She wants to see you now, so you’d better hotfoot it back over to the office, don’t you think?’
‘Where?’ I manage. ‘Where does she want to meet me?’
‘Hmm? Oh, Room 5c, in HR.’
Of course. Where else would she go to fire me?
*
Rebecca and I are sitting opposite each other. Judy from HR is beside her. I am not taking it as a good sign that Judy is on her side of the table, not mine.
Rebecca pushes her hair back from her face and looks at me with pained sympathy, which can only be a very bad sign. This is Rebecca, queen of tough love, master of the mid-meeting put-down. She once told me that expecting the impossible is the only real route to the best results.
Basically, if she’s being nice to me, that means she’s given up.
‘Leena,’ Rebecca begins. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, of course, I’m absolutely fine,’ I say. ‘Please, Rebecca, let me explain. What happened in that meeting was …’ I trail off, because Rebecca is waving her hand and frowning.
‘Look, Leena, I know you play the part very well, and God knows I love you for it.’ She glances at Judy. ‘I mean, Selmount values your … gritty, can-do attitude. But let’s cut the crap. You look fucking terrible.’
Judy coughs quietly.
‘That is, we wonder if you are a little run-down,’ Rebecca says, without missing a beat. ‘We’ve just checked your records – do you know when you last took a holiday?’
‘Is that a … trick question?’
‘Yes, yes it is, Leena, because for the last year you have not taken any annual leave.’ Rebecca glares at Judy. ‘Something which, by the way, should not be possible.’
‘I told you,’ Judy hisses, ‘I don’t know how she slipped through the net!’
I know how I slipped through the net. Human Resources talk the talk about making sure staff take their