Swimming in the Dark - Tomasz Jedrowski Page 0,52

she cried, looking over to me and straightening her face. ‘Just a friend.’

Hania smiled politely, looking at you and then back at Karolina. ‘Well, maybe we can find you someone here – there are plenty of boys around. Janusz, shall we dance?’

You nodded and let her arm slide around yours.

‘See you later,’ she cooed, and you were off.

Karolina and I poured ourselves another drink, on the brink of total drunkenness now, and fell on to a wide soft couch in the corner, where we could see the whole room. The whisky was still good and strong; its warmth went straight from stomach to head.

‘I’m so glad you’re here, kiddo,’ Karolina said, her legs thrown over each other, almost lying on the couch.

‘Me too,’ I slurred. ‘Who invited you, anyway?’

She laughed. ‘Excuse you. Maksio invited me.’ She pointed at him on the other side of the room, dancing closely with a blonde girl in a miniskirt. ‘The sleaze.’

I considered Karolina from the side, her profile clear against the white of the couch. She looked tired, and for the first time it occurred to me that we were all ageing, that we would not be young for ever.

‘But how do you even know him?’ I asked.

She shrugged, looking at the floor. ‘We may or may not have had a fling,’ she said quietly, with a guilty smile.

‘How?’

‘He came and sat next to me on the bus on our way back from camp.’ She shrugged. ‘He knows how to speak to girls.’

‘I thought he wasn’t your type,’ I said, stunned.

‘He isn’t, but I was feeling lonely. Anyway – here’s to all the fun we’ve had at his cost.’ We clinked glasses and took another deep comforting sip.

‘But I thought it was Hania’s party,’ I said.

‘Goodness,’ sighed Karolina, rolling her eyes, ‘doesn’t he tell you anything? Maksio and Hania are siblings.’

I was taken aback, without quite knowing why. ‘That makes sense, I suppose.’

‘Yes, it does,’ she said, looking at Maksio, who was now kissing the blonde. ‘The same sense of entitlement. Did you see how she dragged Janusz away from us?’

I shrugged, trying to keep my mind at bay. ‘They’re friends. Why shouldn’t she dance with him?’

A slow song was playing now, a dark, profound voice singing in English, lamenting something bygone. And the dancing couples turned and swayed in their own orbits, their own planetary paths. I couldn’t see you on the crowded dance floor. I wished it could be us out there.

‘So how are you?’ asked Karolina, seeing me look for you.

I shrugged, feeling my head spin again. ‘Good, I guess. I’m seeing Mielewicz next week. I think he’s read my proposal.’

‘And?’

‘I don’t know … He hasn’t said anything yet. But I enjoyed writing it, more than I thought I would. I’d love to do it.’

‘What if it doesn’t work out?’ She looked worried for a moment, and I wondered how real this concern was, and how much of it was bitterness concealed. Bitterness about her own situation.

‘Somehow I think it could turn out alright, you know?’ I said.

‘Wow, you’ve become awfully optimistic lately,’ she replied with only a trace of irony.

The dancing couples before us moved, parted to the sides like a curtain – revealing you. You and Hania. Entwined in your own secret constellation. Her eyes were closed, her cheek resting on your shoulder, your fingers wrapped around her gleaming sequinned waist …

I couldn’t think straight – my mind was like an erring line. But my body reacted all by itself, fossilising my insides.

‘Looks like they get on well,’ said Karolina, watching you darkly. You and Hania swayed to the waves of the song.

‘I don’t think she’s his type.’ I held on tightly to the banister of my own words.

‘Ludzio, with this house you’re everyone’s type.’ She said this without taking her eyes off you and Hania. She said it almost absent-mindedly. Then the other couples moved in their rotations and hid you from our sight again. And I looked back at Karolina. Her words remained in the air, heavy, unwilling to go away, like a fog.

‘You’re exaggerating,’ I said. ‘Since when are you such a bloody pragmatist?’

She laughed, as if to appease me. ‘Not me, Ludzio. But everyone else.’ The tip of her middle finger traced the brim of her glass. Then she looked around the room, low and mysterious with the dim light and the palm trees. Her eyes shimmered. ‘It’s beautiful here. And there are no queues for Scotch whisky.’ She clinked her glass to mine and