Swimming in the Dark - Tomasz Jedrowski Page 0,30

ignorant they were of you. ‘They hardly know what this means,’ you said, looking around at the city. ‘I want to show them. They can be proud of me.’ You told me about your job, starting a week from then. ‘For the Office of Press Control,’ you half-whispered, as if pronouncing the name of a god. A shiver ran through me, made me forget it was summer.

‘You mean the Office of Censorship,’ I said, despising you for a moment. ‘The ones who ban the books we need the most.’

Irritation flickered across your face. ‘Don’t be such a square. Everyone’s got to start somewhere. You have a better idea?’

‘Let’s go away,’ I said, surprised by the boldness of this. But you only looked amused.

‘Where would you like to go? Rome, Paris?’

‘I’m not joking, Janusz.’

‘You know what, Ludzio? You’re a crazy one. Look around you.’ We were protected by the high grass, the sun shining on us. ‘Why would we leave all this?’

That evening we took the elevator to the top of the Palace of Culture and saw the city lying before us, its vastness suddenly tiny, its end – the chimneys of the factories and the forests behind the last houses – a secret resolved. The Wis?a snaked itself through the middle and continued on, beyond the human-made structures, towards the mountains in the south and the sea to the north. The mist of the day’s heat dissolved above the blocks. Summer was at its height, time was suspended. And I never wanted it to run again. Like a dice, spinning and spinning without ever coming to a standstill.

The weeks passed and I hadn’t seen Karolina since the camp. I decided to visit her. She rented a room from a crane driver in ?oliborz, in the far north of the city, the only part Bowie had ever seen, when his train stopped on the way from Moscow to Berlin, just a couple of years before you and I met. It made him write ‘Warszawa’, a terribly desolate song. But ?oliborz isn’t the worst neighbourhood by far. It’s residential, made up of 1930s Bauhaus-style flats, a run-down garden city. There are trees everywhere, large and oblivious, and carpets of grass occupy every space between the grey buildings. In summer, it’s a two-coloured world – grey and green. But, of course, Bowie saw it all in winter, when there is only one colour left.

I knocked on Karolina’s door. The crane driver opened it, wearing curlers in her hair, and a dressing gown around her barrel-like body. She knew me, although she never showed any sign of it. With a dry ‘Good morning’ she led me along the corridor, which was decorated with empty packets of Western cigarettes (Camel, Ambassador, Marlboro) arranged on a shelf. She led me towards Karolina’s room at the far end of the flat and knocked on her door before I could. Her curlers shook in her short hair.

‘Miss Patocka,’ she cried, ‘another man for you!’ She threw me a satisfied look and walked off. The door opened and Karolina’s face appeared, breaking into a smile.

‘Ludzio, it’s you.’ She kissed me on both cheeks, her blouse soft against my bare upper arm. ‘Come in, close the door.’

She walked across the room, picking up clothes that were lying strewn on the floor, the chair of her desk, the bed, and pushed them into a wardrobe in a corner.

‘Never mind the mess,’ she said, throwing herself on to her bed and looking at me wide-eyed. ‘I didn’t expect you. But I’m glad you came. Sit.’ With her palm she tapped the space next to her. I obeyed. ‘I hope she wasn’t too mean?’ She looked at the door and rolled her eyes.

‘She hasn’t become any more refined.’

‘Did you hear how she tries to humiliate me?’

‘As if that could humiliate you – another gentleman caller.’

She smiled, her coral-coloured lips stretching over her big teeth.

‘So, how have you been?’ She looked at me for a moment, as if reading me. ‘You’ve changed,’ she said, calmly, like a clairvoyant announcing someone’s fate.

‘Have I?’ I made a grimace.

‘Your face.’ She held her hand to it, her middle finger resting on my cheekbone. ‘It looks like something’s opened up, something that was folded tight. Like a fist. I’d never noticed before, but now I do.’

‘You can save your wise words for one of your gentleman callers.’ I laughed, gently pushing her hand away. ‘I’m the same.’

She shrugged, getting up from the bed and sitting down at her