“I wasn’t!” I barked, wanting to stifle them both—and then the shock of his admission hit. I’d thought about it but hadn’t truly thought about it: the moonlight spread along the blankets on the bed, the thin flannel of my nightgown pulled tight against my breasts. The small rounded room, the sensation of a caress. He’d been there, with me—
Jesse lifted his open palms, a gesture of surrender.
“I meant no harm. You’re a deep sleeper, Lora, heavy dreams that carry you deep. Beyond memory, I’d guess. I’ll wake you next time.”
My cheeks began to burn. “Are you insane?” I hissed. “You’re not to go into my room, not at night or any other time! Do you think I don’t know how to defend myself? I’m from bloody St. Giles! Do you think I’ve never been in a fight before?”
“No,” he said, unsmiling. “I don’t think any of that.”
“Look,” I said, and now my anger was a fine weapon zinging through me, putting power behind the finger I jabbed into his chest. “I don’t know what you’re about, and I don’t care. I’ve dealt with boys like you for as long as I can remember, and I’m not interested. Just because I’m poor doesn’t mean I’m weak. The next time you try something like that, I swear to God I’ll make you sorry.” I had no idea what I could do to make him sorry that wouldn’t also land me in the soup, so I gave him another jab for good measure. “Got it?”
“I apologize,” Jesse said. He’d made no move to defend himself, although he was taller than I. And older. And a boy. His hands remained lax at his sides. “I just … didn’t want you to be hungry.”
And there was something in his tone again, something unsaid, only this time I swore I nearly heard it. The beast in me heard it, gathered it near.
It became: beloved.
I closed my mouth with a snap. I backed away from him, letting the wind push me sideways until I met the cool, scoured wall of Iverson. Then I turned around and ran.
I never heard him follow.
• • •
Sunday was Visitors’ Day at the school. It was the one day of the week outsiders were permitted inside the halls … but only some of the halls. And only some outsiders. I doubted that anyone I knew from the Home, for example, would have made it as far as the prickly hedges, much less found themselves escorted into the shining sophistication of the castle’s front parlor.
Most of the girls had families that lived too far away for regular visits. For all its bucolic charm, this part of Wessex wasn’t in any danger of becoming a serious social destination. It seemed no one of any real consequence—barring the Duke of Idylling and his irritating son, of course—lived nearby.
But a few girls did have guests on my first Sunday at Iverson: mothers and fathers, a scattering of boys in jackets and tight collars who might have been brothers. Or beaux. The rest of the students sat in softly chattering circles, ankles crossed, drinking tea and eating tiny morsels of food without spilling a drop or a crumb. Without even, I noticed, seeming to part their lips.
I sat alone, naturally. I hadn’t wanted to come, but the scent of cold smoked salmon and dill wafting from the doorway had been too much to resist. After everything that happened that afternoon, I’d missed lunch entirely.
I’d claimed a solitary chair wedged into a corner. It was horsehair, old, wretchedly uncomfortable. I sat with my plate of finger sandwiches balanced on my knees and tried to chew as the other girls did, teensy bites followed by short, dainty sips of liquid, a process that could easily consume ten minutes for a single sandwich. Perhaps that was why no one had sprigs of dill in their teeth.
At the orphanage we’d had one meal a day, plus tea. Tea at Blisshaven was old chipped teapots filled with twice-used leaves and a platter of stale sliced bread. If yours wasn’t one of the first hands groping for the bread, all you got was tea.
The pots here were of silver. The china had cherubs and gilded trim. The tea was flawlessly steeped, possibly my first ever from virgin leaves. And there were enough salvers of miniature sandwiches and iced cakes to satisfy even me—although after I had served myself thirds, Mrs. Westcliffe sent me a fixed, frigid