him. It’d changed me just knowing the danger he’d been in. “Physically, it looks promising. Mentally…I don’t know. I don’t think either of us can imagine everything he’s been through.”
The line went quiet. “Probably not.”
I knew this was a difficult time for Greg. It was hard on me, too.
“Miss you,” he whispered, almost as if he was afraid to say the words out loud. As if I wouldn’t welcome hearing them.
“I miss you, too.” And I did. My entire life had been uprooted in the last two weeks. Not that I would change a second of it, well, other than not knowing Mark was in the country until he was at death’s door. Even now I found that unforgivable.
“I talked to Emily,” Greg told me.
“Oh?”
“You weren’t answering my calls and I needed to know how you were doing.”
“Sorry, it’s just that—”
“You don’t need to explain,” he said, cutting me off. “Emily said you leave first thing in the morning for the hospital and you don’t arrive back at the inn until late. The first few days she said you were at the hospital nearly around the clock. I don’t want to be a pest.”
“You aren’t.”
“When do you think I can see you again?”
I pressed my hand against my forehead, mussing my hair. “I…I don’t know. For now Mark has to be my priority. I can’t promise you anything more. I’m sorry, but—”
Greg cut me off. “Jo Marie, please, don’t worry, I understand. I’ll take whatever time you can give me.”
Closing my eyes, I pressed my head against the steering wheel. “Greg, I’m sorry. I don’t want to mislead you or hurt you. I don’t know what’s going to happen between Mark and me. I love him and I know he loves me, but it’s been a year and a lot has happened. We’re different people now…”
“I hear you,” he whispered.
“Do you?”
“Yes,” he said, stronger this time.
“Maybe it would be best if we both moved on…” It wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t want to risk breaking his heart.
“No.” Greg’s response was immediate. “You need time. You got it. I’ll give you whatever time you want. I know we haven’t been seeing each other long and that you have a history with Mark. I accept that, but I’m willing to take a chance, willing to wait.”
Tears crowded the corners of my eyes. “You sure that’s what you want?” I asked.
“Positive. You’re worth it. If things work out with Mark, I’ll accept that and move on, and if they don’t you need to know I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
I really did feel like weeping then. I bit into my lower lip. “Thank you,” I whispered.
I obsessed over Nick kissing me, and really, who could blame me. He’d basically told me there was no future for the two of us. It hurt, and I’m downplaying how badly his words cut through my heart. At the same time I was grateful for his honesty. Jayson had said my infertility didn’t matter and that we’d adopt. He loved me. Me. Not my ability to reproduce. However, when his mother learned that not only didn’t I share their same religious beliefs but I wouldn’t be giving her grandchildren, it was too much. Under pressure from his family, Jayson caved. Because in the end, I realized, my lack of a uterus did matter. I’d been devastated, crushed to the very core of my being. Again, I’m downplaying my grief at that first broken engagement. Grief perfectly described the way I felt. To me the broken engagement was a death. I mourned for all that I’d lost when Jayson called off the wedding. For a short while I didn’t know if I’d survive. I was convinced no man would want me…and then I met James.
When James and I called it quits it’d been my idea. I knew he was in love with his high school sweetheart. When I handed him back the engagement ring, he hadn’t put up a lot of resistance. Later I was left to wonder, if I’d been able to give him children, would he have tried harder to talk me out of my decision? No matter now, the deed was done, and being the kind of man he was, James insisted I keep the ring.
Nick, at least, saved me the agony of another broken heart. He knew himself well enough to admit he wanted children at some point in the future: a family he wouldn’t be able to have with me.