going to give a shit about him the third time around. He won’t get forgiveness or understanding. What he’s going to get is ten years or more in prison. You should know better than anyone what ten years in that hell does to someone,” Julian finished, jabbing his finger in the air toward Shaw.
Ben hadn’t missed the way Shaw took a deep breath and a step back. Or the wince in Drayton’s expression he tried to disguise. Ben knew their history, and Shaw’s decade in prison had been torture for them both.
“His need to be nice worries the hell out of me, and that’s what I’m trying to stop from happening,” Julian continued.
At some point in the argument, they had turned their bodies to face each other, abandoning any attempt at signing. Ben’s head throbbed with greater force. He hated this. While Julian hadn’t said the words, the disappointment was evident. Ben looked up and his blood boiled when Shaw and Julian continued to argue, the anger screaming from every inch of their tense bodies.
He didn’t want this friction between the people he cared for.
And he sure as hell didn’t want to be the reason for it.
He slammed his fist against the dining table, stopping the three men and forcing them to turn toward him. He stared at each of them as he signed, his hand movements fast and hard. “I’m right here!” He slapped his hand against his chest. “Don’t talk about me as if I’m not here.”
He pushed the chair back with more force than intended and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room.
Shaw and his partner had decided returning to their company was the best answer while Julian thought working elsewhere was a better option. They were treating him as if he couldn’t make a decision on his own. But the worst part of it all…he was pissed off at himself for understanding both positions and wanting to please everyone.
Ben threw himself on the bed, facedown. If they wanted to continue yelling at each other and act as if he wasn’t capable of making a smart decision for himself, then screw it. They could have that argument without his presence.
He could take care of himself. He had done it for years.
He just wished he could find a way of doing it without screwing things up along the way.
Almost an hour later, Ben’s attention snapped to the door when the lights switched on and off in his room. He sat in his bed and leaned back against the headboard. He gestured with his hand, welcoming Julian into his room.
Julian stepped inside and stood at the side of the bed, waiting.
“Did they leave?”
Julian nodded.
Ben scoffed. “You didn’t need to go there.”
Julian cocked his head and frowned.
“You hurt Shaw by bringing up his time. You hurt Drayton too. That wasn’t nice.”
“I’m not nice,” Julian signed.
“You are. But you weren’t. That was mean.”
“Sometimes I have to be the bad guy. Sometimes I have to say no. Sometimes I have to be the one to stop something I think is going to be worse for everyone in the end.” Julian took a deep breath, his entire body slumping with his exhale. Guess the argument had taken the fight out of him as much as it had for Ben. “I know they want to help. We all do. But working with friends isn’t going to help you. They’ll make it easy for you. And that’s not what you need.”
Ben saw the pain staring back at him from those pale green eyes. “I’m sorry I disappointed you.”
Julian immediately shook his head. “I’m not disappointed.” He scrubbed his face and then pulled his phone from his back pocket.
Ben inched closer when Julian sat next to him and launched the note app, reading as Julian typed.
I’m worried. You have a good heart and there are too many people out there who would take advantage of that. So if I have to be a mean bastard who pisses people off just so you can find your way without losing who you are, then so be it. I’ll be the asshole when it’s necessary.
A smile tugged at Ben’s lips as he signed. “You said asshole.”
Julian narrowed his eyes as Ben muffled a laugh.
“I want you to learn the word no,” Julian signed.
“No,” he signed in reply.
Julian scowled.
“I’m practicing.” He hid a grin when Julian’s scowl deepened.
“I’m not joking.”
“I know.” Ben chewed his lip, not really sure how best to phrase a request. He