Gregor shook his head without lifting it,
"And I can't make you anymore. I know that," said his mom. She gave the back of his neck a squeeze. "Just tell me this. The family doing okay?"
Grandma in the hospital. His dad in relapse. Mom right here, too weak to sit up. Lizzie in the code room. Boots caring for sick and orphaned mouse pups. Gregor marked for death. All of them trapped in one way or another.
He lifted his head. "Everybody's hanging in there, Mom," he said.
"Okay. Okay. I just have to trust you now, Gregor. To do what's right for us," she said. "I love you, baby."
"I love you, too," said Gregor. "Now you should get some sleep." He kissed her on the forehead and left before he broke down and told her everything.
And then he needed to talk to someone badly, someone he didn't have to pretend with. He went straight to Luxa's room and badgered the nearby doctors until they agreed to let him in for another short visit. They made him wash his hands in disinfectant, but he did not have to wear the mask this time. Luxa looked remarkably better, given that only about six hours had passed since he'd seen her last. She was still wheezing slightly as she breathed the misty air, but she was sitting up, leaning against a stack of pillows. There was a tray on her lap with broth, pudding, and what looked like mashed sweet potatoes. She was rearranging the potatoes into a tower with her fork, just like his sisters did at home. Her face brightened when she saw him and he could feel some of the heaviness of the day fall away.
"Mmm, what's for lunch? That looks really good," he said.
Luxa frowned at her tray. "It makes good buildings. My throat is still too sore to eat anything I actually like."
"Everybody likes pudding," said Gregor. He scooped up a spoonful and held it up to her mouth. She ate it, swallowing painfully.
"Ouch," she said. Her eyes widened as they lit on the dagger at his belt. "What did you do to get that? Kill Solovet?"
"No, she gave it to me," said Gregor.
"Oh, I hate you. She never even allows me to hold
it," said Luxa. Gregor pulled the dagger from his belt and handed it to her. "Knock yourself out."
Luxa turned the dagger over in her hands, admiring it. "What are you, her favorite now?"
"Oh, yeah. She dressed me up in this totally stupid black armor and then threw me out of battle until I learn to fight," said Gregor.
"You are back in training? I would not take that too personally. She does it all the time," said Luxa.
"Really?" said Gregor.
"Of course. No one is ever good enough for her. She would give Ripred pointers if she thought he would not eat her," said Luxa.
That made Gregor feel a lot better. Maybe going back into training was no big deal. Besides, if he were fighting, he wouldn't be here with Luxa now. "How long do you have to stay in the hospital?"
"I should be out now," said Luxa grouchily. "They let Howard out. He is even treating people."
"You were sicker," said Gregor.
"I do not suppose it matters. They will not let me do anything, in or out. Now that I am back, Solovet will have me watched around the clock," said Luxa. "I am surprised you do not have bodyguards."
"I did. For a while," said Gregor.
"How did you get rid of them?" asked Luxa.
Gregor felt, himself blush. That wasn't a question he was ready to answer. He could hardly just blurt out, "Oh, because Solovet knows I'm in love with you now." So he did his best to come up with something else. "Uh ... I guess with my sisters and mom down here and all... You really should eat some more."
Luxa choked down a couple more spoonfuls of pudding. "Mareth says your sister Lizzie plans to stay, too."
"Yeah. Ripred thinks she's the code-breaker. They've got her in some room with a tree on the wall," said Gregor.
"The Tree of Transmission. Henry and I had to learn that. It was awful. Our teacher was a nibbler who was about a thousand years old. He'd make us send messages for hours." Luxa began to laugh. "Then one day Henry wrote, 'Help me, I am dying of boredom,' and the nibbler refused to teach us anymore."
Gregor laughed, too, but behind it was the discomfort he always felt whenever Henry was mentioned. Henry's closeness to Luxa and Ares. Henry's betrayal. Henry's body smashing apart on the rocks.