“When?”
“November.”
I’m stunned. “I . . . I ...” My throat is dry. “If you’d seen the look on your face that day. In the restaurant. How could I possibly tell you? With your mother—”
“But if you had, I wouldn’t have wasted all of these months. I thought you were turning me down. I thought you weren’t interested.”
“But you were drunk! You had a girlfriend! What was I supposed to do? God, St. Clair, I didn’t even know if you meant it.”
“Of course I meant it.” He stands, and his legs falter.
“Careful!”
Step. Step. Step. He toddles toward me, and I reach for his hand to guide him.We’re so close to the edge. He sits next to me and grips my hand
harder. “I meant it, Anna. I mean it.”
“I don’t under—”
He’s exasperated. “I’m saying I’m in love with you! I’ve been in love with you this whole bleeding year!”
My mind spins. “But El ie—”
“I cheated on her every day. In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldn’t have, again and again. She was nothing compared to you. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before—”
“But—”
“The first day of school.” He scoots closer. “We weren’t physics partners by accident. I saw Professeur Wakefield assigning lab partners based on
where people were sitting, so I leaned forward to borrow a pencil from you at just the right moment so he’d think we were next to each other. Anna, I
wanted to be your partner the first day.”
“But ...” I can’t think straight.
“I bought you love poetry! ‘I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.’”
I blink at him.
“Neruda. I starred the passage. God,” he moans. “Why didn’t you open it?”
“Because you said it was for school.”
“I said you were beautiful. I slept in your bed!”
“You never made a move!You had a girlfriend!”
“No matter what a terrible boyfriend I was, I wouldn’t actual y cheat on her. But I thought you’d know. With me being there, I thought you’d know.”
We’re going in circles. “How could I know if you never said anything?”
“How could I know if you never said anything?”
“You had El ie!”
“You had Toph! And Dave!”
I’m speechless. I blink at the rooftops of Paris.