“How could you?” a girl cries.
Chapter thirty-nine
My first thought is El ie.
El ie found us, and she’s going to strangle me with her bare hands, right here, with the puppeteer and carousel horses and beekeepers all as
witnesses. My throat will turn purple, and I’l stop breathing, and I’l die. And then she’l go to prison and write Étienne psychotic letters on parchment made from dried skin for the rest of his life.
But it’s not El ie. It’s Meredith.
Étienne springs off me. She turns her head away, but not before I notice that she’s crying. “Mer!” She runs away before I can say anything else. I look at Étienne, and he’s rubbing his head in disbelief.
“Shite,” he says.
“Shite is right,” Rashmi says. I’m startled to discover she and Josh are here, too.
“Meredith.” I moan. “El ie.” How could we let this happen? He has a girlfriend, and we both have a friend who is in love with him—the secret that isn’t a secret and never has been.
Étienne jumps to his feet. His shirt is covered with dried grass. And then he’s gone. He races after Meredith, shouting her name. He disappears behind
a copse of trees, and Josh and Rashmi are talking, but I don’t comprehend their words.
Did Étienne just leave me? For Meredith?
I can’t swal ow. My throat is closing. Not only have I been caught with someone I had no right to be kissing—and not only was it the greatest moment of
my life—but he’s rejecting me.
In front of everyone.
There’s a hand in front of me, and in a daze, I fol ow it to its wrist, its elbow, its skul -and-crossbones tattoo, its shoulder, its neck, its face. Josh. He grips my hand and helps me stand. My cheeks are wet, and I don’t even remember starting to cry.
Josh and Rashmi don’t speak as they steer me onto a bench. They let me blubber about how I don’t know how it happened, and I didn’t mean to hurt
anyone, and please don’t tell El ie. How I can’t believe I did that to Mer, and she’l never talk to me again, and I’m not surprised Étienne ran away because I am so, so awful. The worst.
“Anna. Anna,” Josh interrupts. “If I had a euro for every stupid thing I’ve done, I could buy the Mona Lisa. You’l be fine. You’l both be fine.”
Rashmi crosses her arms. “Your lips weren’t the only ones working out there.”
“Meredith, she’s so,” I choke. “Nice.” Again, that word. So inadequate. “How could I do that to her?”
“Yeah. She is,” Rashmi says. “And that was pretty crappy of you guys to do that just now. What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking, it just happened. I’ve ruined everything. She hates me. Étienne hates me!”
“St. Clair definitely doesn’t hate you,” Josh says.
“Though if I were Mer, I’d hate him.” Rashmi scowls. “He’s been leading her on for way too long.”
Josh is indignant. “He’s never once given her the impression that he liked her more than a friend.”
“Yeah, but he’s never discouraged her!”
“He’s been dating El ie for a year and a half.You’d think that’d be discouragement enough—oh. Sorry, Anna.”
I sob harder.