and Madison dealing?” She looks away and then back to me again. “I know you girls don’t talk much.”
“We don’t talk at all.” The thought of Madison makes me so angry, makes me want to punch her in the face and that’s not me, but when it comes to my sister that’s how I feel.
“Sweetie,” Jackie says in a motherly voice. “You have to let the past go. You, Macy, of all the people I know never hold on to anything.”
Folding my hands I place them on my lap, “She almost slept with Landon.”
Jackie’s shocked, “Almost?”
I nod, “Yeah, at prom.”
Jackie doesn’t say anything and I don’t want to tell her the rest of the story but I know I need to. I don’t have anyone else to talk to about it, at least not someone who was involved. I can’t talk to my mom about it because we’re her daughters and she doesn’t need to hear this shit. Our mom just thinks that I blame Madison for the accident, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Alexa caught them.” Her eyes close briefly. “One minute we were dancing and the next moment Alexa caught them in the janitor’s closet making out. Cash and I went to go find them and they both stumbled out of the closet with their clothes all disheveled.”
“Oh, Jesus,” Jackie shakes her head.
“Yup, I haven’t spoken to her in three years.”
Jackie’s head tilts to the side, “But you talk to Landon?”
I ring my hands together tightly, “Yeah.”
She huffs, “You always did have a soft spot for Landon.” Jackie shifts in her seat. “He would walk into a room and your face would light up.”
Tears sting my eyes and I try to blink them away.
“Macy,” I hear the concern. “Do you ever think about what Madison is going through? What if it was her who tried to kill herself?” Her eyes glass over. “I’m not trying to defend Madison here because what she did was wrong but if you look at it from my side of things. She not only lost my baby, one of her best friends, but she also lost you, her other half.”
That makes me angry. I angle my body away from Jackie’s. “She never should have put a hand on Landon. Hell, she not only hurt me but she crushed Cash.” I bang my hand on the table. “She had everything and threw it away like it was trash!”
Jackie stands, walks around the table and sits next to me grabbing both my hands. “I know, sweetie. What she did was so very wrong, Landon too, but some of us aren’t as strong as you and Cash. Some people do stupid things when they’re mad, when they’re hurting. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol, some people try killing themselves. And some people turn a blind eye.”
The tears fall, I can’t help it.
“I miss him, Jackie.” My head falls forward, too heavy to hold up. “I’m sorry.”
Jackie throws her arms around me and we cry together. Both of us holding on to each other and crying over the boy who loved life. Who always saw the best in everything. Who had everything going for him and in an instant it was gone.
Jackie sits up and reaches for some napkins that are sitting on the table. She hands one to me and then wipes her tears away. “Macy…”
I look over and try to smile through the pain.
“Forgive your sister. For me, for my son. I can’t bear the thought of one more life wasted from the accident.”
The tears start all over again. And I nod because I will, because I can’t lose anyone and I need my sister. I haven’t felt whole since the night at prom.
Jackie hands me a tissue, “Aren’t we just a party?”
“Party?” Madison says from behind us. I don’t even need to turn around to know it’s her.
Jackie reaches over and wipes my tears away. “Yup, we’re having a party.” She stands, “Alexa, could you help me in the kitchen?”
Madison nods toward the door. I wipe my face and follow behind her giving Jackie and Alexa some time together.
It’s freezing cold out here and I can feel my skin burn a little from the tears that I just wiped away. Madison takes a seat on the front step and I sit beside her. She really looks horrible today. I’m not sure if it’s being back in Canby or the drugs catching up with her.