my bed and just lets me cry. I swear, in the middle of my break down, Landon cries, too. The top of my head is wet and it could only come from one place. People always say that men don’t cry but sometimes, in the rough of things, I think it does them well. Landon is so angry all the time and he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders and can never catch a break. So when he cries it’s like a page is being ripped away from the spine.
Eventually Landon and I fall asleep, we’re on an emotional overload that no one can understand but the two of us. But before we fall asleep Landon places his hand on my stomach and rubs his thumb back and forth. That motion gives me a little hope that someday we’ll find our light.
***
I wake before Landon but don’t make a move. I’m enjoying the little peace that we have for now. Landon’s breathing comes faster and I know he’s awake now too.
“Landon,” it comes out rough from all the crying. He looks up with red, tired eyes. “I don’t hate you.”
He gives me a half lazy smile, “I know.” He shifts his body down a little farther on the bed then puts his head on my stomach. “I’m all messed up, Macy.”
I run my hands through his hair comforting him. “I know. We all are in our own ways.” I pick up my phone and check the time. “We’ve got to get up, we’re gonna be late for class.”
Landon kisses my stomach and sits up. I throw my legs over the side of the bed and walk over to the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror scares the hell out of me. I quickly brush my teeth and glance back to see Landon still sitting on my bed. “Come on or you’re going to be late,” I say with a mouth full of toothpaste.
“I’m not going. They pulled my scholarship,” he mumbles and I know I didn’t hear him right.
I rinse and walk over to my dresser, “What did you say?”
Landon shakes his head, “Nothing, never mind. Let’s go.”
I throw another shirt on and promise a shower after this class.
***
Later that morning Landon shows up at my dorm room with a movie in his hand. We’re lying on my bed watching a movie. Things are a little awkward in a way between us but at the same time it’s comfortable. This is the old us.
My phone rings but neither of us makes a move to get it. Then, minutes later, Landon’s phone starts to ring. A chill breaks out over my skin, something’s happened. I can feel it.
I lift my head from Landon’s chest and look up to him. “Landon…”
His eyes close, “I know. I’m afraid to find out what’s happened now.” Landon opens his eyes, “I’m not sure how much more I can take without breaking, Macy.”
I nod and take the lead. This is me being there for Landon. That was his way of asking for help without really asking for it. I climb to the end of my bed and pick up Landon’s phone that’s charging on my desk. Steven’s mom, Jackie. My blood runs cold. What could she need?
With a shaking hand I sit back on the bed and answer. “Hello?”
“Oh, Macy,” Jackie says crying into the phone. “Sweetie, you need to come home. It’s Alexa.”
I look to Landon with wide eyes. He mouths the words, “What?” Tears pool in my eyes. I know it’s not good.
I cover the phone, “It’s Alexa.”
Landon leaps from the bed quickly grabs his shoe and puts it on. He grabs his wallet off the desk and puts it in his back pocket. Landon reaches down and grabs my purse off the floor.
“We’re on our way,” I tell Jackie. I slip on my shoes and start pulling my hoodie on.
“Please,” Jackie takes a shuddering breath, “Please be careful.”
“We will.”
I turn to grab my purse and I steal a quick glance at Landon who is grimacing at his phone. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it later. We need to get to Alexa.
“I’m going to call Cash and make sure he knows,” I say, ignoring the gnawing feeling in my gut.
Landon nods, preoccupied with his phone.
“Hey,” Cash answers.
I cut right to the chase, “Jackie call you?”
“Yeah.”
“We’re heading back. Do you need a ride?” I look up to Landon to see if he’s going to protest but he’s still talking on his