on. And the fucked up thing about it is I can’t even call Macy to help me. I haven’t spoken to her once since that night she told me I stole her heartbeat. I guess in a way she’s right because when I do catch a glimpse of her around she looks fucking horrible. I did that. I caused her to look like death. She has dark circles around her eyes; she keeps her head down unless she’s with Cash. And I can tell she’s not eating, not many would notice it but I do.
After my last class I head to practice. I’m late, like normal these days. I change out of my clothes and step into my shorts. When I turn, Coach Lander is leaning against the lockers with his arms folded holding his clipboard.
“Landon.” He greets me. It’s cold and I know shit’s about to get real.
“Coach.”
He takes a deep breath and takes a step forward. “Son, I know you’re on something.” I don’t acknowledge the truth he just spoke. “Get off, Landon. You’re fucking your life up and our team can’t afford to suffer from your fuck ups.”
I hang my head in shame because he’s right. “Yes, sir.”
Today, I just need to get through today and then I’ll lay off so I can pass the drug test I know is coming up. Just one more day is all I need.
October 12, 2013
We have a game in Seattle against the Washington Huskies today. Colton, Jet and I are eating breakfast, well I’m trying to. I don’t feel like eating much but I know I have to in order to keep up with the game. Colton sits down with a plate filled with eggs, bacon, ham, and hash browns. Jet sits next to him with eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns and a big glass of water. I only took as much as I knew I’d be able to eat which is only some eggs and toast. I’ve been drinking water since I woke up and it’s filling me up. Plus, my nerves are out in full force.
We eat in silence, lost in our own thoughts of the game. Declan joins us a few minutes later looking like shit.
“You alright, big guy?” Jet asks.
Declan nods and buries his head in his arms that are resting on the table.
I get up from the table without a word and toss the food I didn’t eat in the trash and go back to my room.
When I get back I pack up everything I need for the game. Something about the game today seems off. I don’t know what it is but something is just off. I try to shake it off on the way out to the bus.
I sit on the bus next to Colton who is snoring and every time we hit a bump his head smacks the window. He never even budges. I’m reviewing plays of the game from last year trying to find my game plan against them. We’re on a winning streak and I want to keep it up.
When we arrive we are escorted in by police. We don’t have many fans who travel the hours and miles to watch us play but we do have some diehard ones. They cheer for us as we step off the bus and walk directly into the stadium locker room.
Some of the guys are quiet in their zones while others are laughing and carrying on, pushing each other’s buttons to psyche them up for the game.
I don’t talk to anyone, I need my focus. My headphones are on and turned all the way up.
After we suit up we, as a team, walk out on to the field and get a feel for it. We walk up and down, feeling the weather and taking in the atmosphere. When we’re done we head back into the locker room where the dressing coaches and trainers tend to certain players, making sure injuries are supported and talk about other little job assignments.
Once everyone is suited up and taped up we head out onto the field once more to warm up. When we are good and loose we jog back to the locker room and line up.
Cash and Saylor run out for the coin toss.
Saylor runs back, followed by Cash. We won the coin toss and we’re the receiving team so we get the ball back after half time.
Late in the third quarter we’re huddled. Cash calls the plays and we break.