fucked up existence and her drug use, and just like Landon does with the walls he erects to keep those who love him at arm’s length and his need to erase the pain.
September 28, 2013
“Does this look okay?” Heather, my roommate for the last three years, asks.
Heather can pull off any look she tries. She has the perfect complexion, something I wish I had. She can wear bright colors and look like she spent all day tanning. She can wear dark clothes and not look washed out. She walks out in a pair of black, skinny jeans that are ripped up her thighs with a super tight, hot pink halter top paired with matching hot pink heels and she looks utterly flawless. Her short, raven, pixie hairstyle makes her look sleek and fabulous. I envy those girls who can pull off the flawless look. Heather is that girl and I love her like she’s family. She’s more of a sister to me then Madison has been.
“I’m envious.” I pout.
She puts her hands on her hips and cocks an eyebrow. “Stop that. You have no reason to be envious. I’d kill for your ass.”
I laugh turning back to the mirror to finish applying my makeup. Heather picks up the curling iron and starts helping me curl the ends of my hair. I’m not getting fancy for the party because I doubt I’ll even stay that long once Landon arrives. We’ve barely spoken since I high-fived Cash in the hallway a few days ago. I decided to go for casual, it’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone anyway. I can’t handle having to please anyone else. I wear my favorite pair of worn jeans that have a fancy design on the back pockets with a tight flannel shirt…so tight I have to leave the first few buttons undone in order to give my boobs room and I decide to wear my dark brown, knee-high boots that match my shirt.
When Heather and I are ready we head over to Austin’s house where the party is being held. Austin’s a tight end for the Ducks. It’s a little bit of a hike but since we’ll both be drinking there is no way we were driving. The walk is good for me anyway. It’ll give me a chance to clear my head a bit. Preps me for what I know will be a battle.
We get about halfway there and Heather senses my uneasiness. “So, the guys won today?”
“Yup.”
Heather kicks a rock down the sidewalk. “Who’d they play?”
“California Golden Bears.”
I’m being short. I don’t mean to but I really don’t want to talk about the game. The game I should have went to but figured it was better I didn’t since I knew Landon wouldn’t want me there.
“The score?”
“Sixteen to fifty-five.” I look over to Heather and lift an eyebrow. “Where are you going with this?”
She looks up to the sky still walking along, “Why didn’t you just go to the game? You never miss one.”
I shrug.
“Macy,” Heather says in a warning tone.
I sigh, “Because Landon and I aren’t exactly speaking right now.”
Heather eyes me waiting for me to continue. I shrug, “Cash high-fived me in the hallway when I was with Landon.”
She starts laughing, she laughs so hard she bends over. “Are you fucking kidding me? What? Are we in grade school?”
I smile, “I thought the same thing.”
Heather links her arm with mine, “Girl, what are we going to do with you? You can’t live with him and you can’t live without him.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
People are spilling out onto the porch of Austin’s house when it comes into view. We could hear the bass and people yelling and laughing from a few blocks over. We’re walking past Austin’s neighbor’s house when Heather nudges me. Some guy is pissing on a tree for the whole world to see. Two girls barely dressed are lying on the front lawn with Solo cups outlining their bodies.
Heather grips my arm a little tighter knowing I’m about to bolt. “Don’t. Break out of that damn shell of yours and keep your head held high. You didn’t do a damn thing.” I relax, just a little bit. “If you don’t show, Landon wins. Is that what you want?”
“Are we playing football now?”
She stops walking and causes me to stumble a bit. “Macy…”
I roll my eyes, “No, I don’t want him to win.” He always wins though.
She smiles, “Good, now put a smile on that pretty face of