the light is on. I lean forward noiselessly until I glimpse him, and feel another profound shock.
He’s standing in his study, tapping away on a phone I’ve never seen before. A Samsung. What’s that phone? Why does he need two phones? As I watch, he drops it into a drawer and locks it with a little key. It’s on the same key ring as his house keys. I never even knew he had that little key. I didn’t know he kept a drawer of his desk locked.
Why does he need to lock a drawer? What’s he hiding from me? What?
For a few moments, we’re both motionless. Dan seems transfixed by his thoughts. I’m transfixed by Dan. Then he suddenly turns and in fright I leap backwards, skittering silently away. I’m back in bed within ten seconds, the duvet pulled right over me, my heart banging furiously.
‘Everything OK?’ I ask as he gets back into bed.
‘Oh, fine.’
And I don’t know if it’s my desperate optimism surfacing, or my belief in giving everyone a fair chance, but I can’t rest until I’ve given him an opportunity to make this all OK again.
‘Dan, listen.’ I prod his shoulder until he turns, his face all tired and ready-for-sleepish. ‘Seriously. Is everything all right? Please. You look so stressed. If there’s anything, anything wrong … or worrying you … I mean, you would tell me, wouldn’t you? You’re not ill, are you?’ I say with a sudden gasp of horror. ‘Because if you were …’ Tears have started to my eyes. For God’s sake. I’m a nervous wreck.
‘Of course I’m not ill.’ He stares at me. ‘Why would I be ill?’
‘Because you seem so …’ I trail away desperately.
Because you were hugging Mary. Because you’re hiding something. Because you feel pinned in a corner. Because I don’t know what to think.
I gaze at him silently, willing him to see the words in my eyes. To react. To feel my pain. I thought we were psychic. I thought he would pick up on my every fear and reassure me. But he seems impervious.
‘I’m fine,’ he says shortly. ‘It’s all good. Let’s get some sleep.’
He turns over and within moments he’s breathing the heavy, regular breaths of someone who was so tired, they couldn’t hang about being awake any longer.
But I don’t. I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, my resolve hardening. Because I know what I’m going to do now. I know exactly what I’m going to do.
Tomorrow I’m going to steal his keys.
THIRTEEN
I’ve never stolen anything before. I feel so guilty I don’t know what to do with myself. I swiped Dan’s keys while he was in the shower and put them at the back of my underwear drawer. Now I’m hovering round the kitchen, wiping things that don’t need wiping, talking to the girls in a false, high-pitched voice and dropping spoons every five minutes.
‘Where are my keys?’ Dan comes, scowling, into the kitchen. ‘They aren’t anywhere. Tessa? Anna? Have you taken Daddy’s keys?’
‘Of course they haven’t!’ I exclaim defensively. ‘You probably just … misplaced them. Have you checked your jacket pockets?’
I turn hastily away before he can see the tell-tale blush in my cheeks. I would so not make an arch-criminal.
‘I had them.’ Dan is rummaging through the fruit bowl. ‘I had them.’
‘Yes, but we were all distracted by the guests, weren’t we?’ I say, deftly inserting a plausible reason for him to have lost them. ‘Just use your spares for now. I’m sure your proper set will turn up.’
‘I’m not using my spares,’ says Dan in horror. ‘I need to find my keys.’
‘It’s only for now,’ I say soothingly. ‘Look, here are your spares, in the cupboard.’
I double-checked the spares before I pinched his proper keys. So in some ways, I would make a good arch-criminal.
I can see Dan is torn between two huge yet opposing principles: Never admit defeat when something’s lost; and, Don’t be late for work. At last, making an impatient noise, he grabs the spares. Between us we chivvy the girls into their school sweatshirts and check their book bags and at last all three of them are out of the house. As Dan is closing the car door, I call out, ‘I’ll have another look for your keys before I leave,’ which is a genius stroke, because 1. if Dan unexpectedly returns, it explains why I’m in his study, 2. it deflects suspicion away from me, and 3. I can now ‘find them’ and leave them on