A Surprise Christmas Wedding - Phillipa Ashley Page 0,62

looked very off that Connor was in her house, acting as if he owned the place, even if she did know him. Maybe Jay thought she and Connor were closer than they were letting on … It could easily appear like that. She’d slipped up with the dog comment too.

Fired up with irritation at herself and Connor, she marched back into the lounge.

Connor had put the box on the coffee table and picked out a sprig. ‘A Christmas tree and mistletoe?’ he said, with a smirk. ‘Wow. And what’s this about a Christmas ball? I heard you talking. Are you seeing this woodsman bloke?’

So he had been listening at the door? Lottie was fuming. ‘He’s not a woodsman. He’s the estate manager.’

Connor held up his hands. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to touch a raw nerve.’

‘It’s not a raw nerve and no, I’m not seeing him, not that it’s got anything to do with you.’

‘OK. Simmer down. I hadn’t meant to pry but I did happen to overhear you saying you were really looking forward to going to this do with him.’

‘That doesn’t mean anything! Everyone’s coming. Jay’s a colleague and a friend and … and someone I can trust,’ Lottie exclaimed, mad for him eavesdropping and that she’d let him wind her up. ‘Look, Connor, if you’ve said all you had to, then I think you should leave. Unless there was anything else?’

‘Nothing more than I was telling you. These past few weeks have made me realise what I must have put you through. I’d no idea about Steph being ill then. I know that she had cancer …’

‘How did you find that out?’ she said, unsure of his motive in bringing up Steph. Was he trying to assuage his guilt at leaving her – or could the unthinkable be happening and he was trying to get closer to her again?

‘Alicia told me. One of her riding students has a kid at Steph’s school. She told me when she was diagnosed and all that stuff with her illness must have happened quite soon after we broke up and I wasn’t there to support you.’

‘It’s a bit late to feel guilty now. I coped. I had to, and I don’t blame you for not being there. You’d no idea what was going to happen.’

He swallowed. ‘You’re so strong, Lottie. I’d have fallen to pieces. I was terrified of Mum not making it through and I was ten thousand miles away. Dad wasn’t handling it well.’

‘It’s hard when you’re confronted with the prospect that the person you thought would always be there, might not be,’ Lottie said.

‘I probably didn’t deserve you,’ Connor murmured. ‘That’s what Mum said when we split up. If she’d known the real truth, she’d have killed me.’

Lottie’s opinion of Fiona went up another notch, but she was also annoyed. Was Connor only here to ease his guilty conscience?

‘What I did to you was unforgivable. I lay awake for weeks after I left, raking the reasons over and over, hardly able to face myself every morning for the damage I did.’

‘If you were having doubts, why did you ask me to marry you?’ Lottie cried. ‘Why go for the whole dramatic romantic gesture? All the clichés? The diamond ring, going down on one knee on the beach? Why?’

‘If I could answer that … I don’t know. I was in love, and swept along by the moment.’

‘A moment? You bought a ring specially and planned the whole proposal.’

‘You said “yes”, Lottie. You didn’t have to.’

Any words deserted her. She was stunned by his comment. Hurt too – and worse, she knew that, in part, he was right. She’d been caught up in the dizzying romance of it all too. Even at the time, whispers of doubt had niggled her. She should have listened to them.

‘I don’t want to sound harsh but the moment we walked through the door of the flat home – back to reality – I suppose I panicked.’ He looked at his hands. ‘A lifetime is a long time to commit to one person even if you do love them.’

Lottie was briefly speechless. Connor didn’t want her. Was it possible that he didn’t want her to have anyone else either? She also thought of Keegan’s fireworks request and how she wanted to surprise Connor. Keegan seemed devoted to him and Lottie didn’t want her to be hurt.

‘Connor, I hope you’re very sure this time.’

He hesitated then nodded. ‘You’re right.’ He picked up his jacket. ‘Never mind, it’ll