A Surprise Christmas Wedding - Phillipa Ashley Page 0,108

picked up his toolbox. ‘Goodnight, then.’

‘You too, safe journey home,’ Lottie said, all too aware that ‘home’ meant the one he shared with Nadia and Seb. It was so frustrating to be constantly treading on eggshells with Jay, where Ben was concerned.

‘Thanks,’ he said. As he walked past Jay he said, ‘Jay, I get that you’re still angry with me but I can’t stand seeing you like this – like a wounded animal who won’t let people close. I am so very sorry that things turned out like they did.’

He held out his hand.

Jay stayed resolutely silent.

‘OK. Don’t take my hand, or even forgive me but ask yourself why – be honest with yourself – if you really want to let this fester and spoil all the good things you have now. I can’t wish I’d never met Nadia. But sooner or later it would have happened anyway.’

Lottie despaired. She was embarrassed and upset at the level of enmity he’d nursed all this time. What did Ben mean, that he and Nadia would have got together anyway? She thought Jay and Nadia had had a happy relationship … but she couldn’t afford to deal with it now.

‘I’ll walk with you down to the drive,’ she said to Ben.

‘I can find my way but thanks, anyway. You’d better get back to the wedding.’

With that, he let himself out of the building, leaving Jay and Lottie alone.

‘I’m going back to the ballroom,’ she said, waiting for him to say he’d join her.

‘I suppose you think I should have thanked him?’ Jay said.

She was about to deny it but was too worked up. ‘I – it’s none of my business and I can’t deal with this now. I understand what it’s like to cling on to love for someone – to try and hang on to something you can never get back.’

Jay tried to speak but Lottie wasn’t to be silenced.

‘I’m glad Connor turned up, no matter how hard it’s been, because it’s made me realise that we were never suited. That I didn’t need him, or want him. Because of our break-up I moved to Firholme. Don’t hate your brother. I’ve had rows with Steph – nothing like you have – but her illness has made me realise that it’s never worth pushing away someone you love.’

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Lottie finally shut the door on the world just after two a.m. The generator powered the house and at midnight, the rest of the site was restored to the mains. The rain had turned to a full Lakeland downpour, sluicing through the snow, leaving the roads passable for the guests to leave in taxis or be picked up by the riding-school volunteers.

The bride and groom went up to their room along with the rest of the wedding party and the reception had wound up.

At one time, the thought of Connor spending his wedding night at Firholme, with another woman, would have broken Lottie’s heart. Now, she was relieved that he was spending it with Keegan, and not her. She’d escaped from a marriage that would never have given her the contentment and joy she craved.

Jay’s comment from earlier in the day wouldn’t go away: he said he’d made all the effort for her. He’d pulled out all the stops and everything had been so promising until Ben had turned up. They worked as a team, he was kind, and she fancied him way more than she’d ever fancied Connor. He was exciting, complex and – she realised – a challenge. Was she attracted to him because of that? She mustn’t let herself think of him as a lost cause that she could save.

Yet she was still unsettled by his lack of trust – and the scars of the breakdown in his relationship with his brother and Nadia had affected him. Could he ever trust someone again – especially after she’d lied to him about Connor?

Lottie didn’t know but she wasn’t sure they could move their relationship forward until she was sure.

With that on her mind, and after her rollercoaster of a day, she didn’t think she’d be able to sleep but she also hadn’t reckoned on how exhausted she was. The next thing she knew, it was morning and daylight was peeping through the curtains where she’d been too tired to shut them properly.

She woke and threw back the curtains on a world of melting snow, muddy fields and leaden clouds reaching down to the lake. It was such a contrast to the fairy-tale Narnia