Something Natural and take them to Steps Beach for lunch. At two o’clock, Annie gets a text, and I watch her read it, her face falling.
“What’s the matter?” I lean over, concerned. “Is everything okay?”
She looks up at me, her face stricken. “It’s Trudy. She says she’s not allowed to see me anymore.”
And she bursts into tears.
* * *
I call Julia, wanting to know why Ellie is behaving like this, if Julia can talk to her but she doesn’t pick up.
How do I explain?
How do I tell my child that the reason she is being ostracized is because of me, because I did something so unforgivable, that all these years later I am still paying the price?
But more than that, she is paying the price.
Any way you slice it, that just doesn’t seem fair.
I do what I had been planning to do last night, when I got home, when I suspected that the confrontation with Ellie would have ramifications. I go back home, get changed, and go and see Julia.
“I heard,” she says as soon as I walk in the store, happy that Julia is there and that she is on her own. “Everyone heard,” she says ruefully. “I think the whole island is talking about Ellie’s outburst last night. It definitely provided a drama that will doubtless keep them all going for days. Possibly weeks.” She peers at me. “You’re not okay. I’m sorry. I really am. I was hoping you and Ellie would be able to avoid each other.”
“But I don’t understand. She knew I was here. You told her.” Julia looks away and for a second I wonder if she was telling me the truth, but why would she lie? “She has changed her mind about the girls being friends and is refusing to let them see each other.”
“What?” To my relief, Julia is as horrified as I was. “But that’s insane. And wrong. She may not want to see you, but to get in the way of their relationship is just wrong.”
“I know. And Annie’s heart is breaking. I left her at home in floods of tears. Julia, I don’t know what to do. I understand that Ellie will never forgive me, but I can’t bear for the girls to be split apart. Can you do anything? Say anything to make her change her mind?”
“Absolutely. You just need to allow her to let off steam. She’ll be fine after a few hours. I’ll drop in later and talk to her. She didn’t mean it. Whatever she feels about you I know she wouldn’t punish Trudy like that.”
In the old days, I might have considered lying, but deception hasn’t felt very good to me since I got sober. When I was drinking, my life was filled with white lies and half truths and stories I told to save myself. I learned to be honest, open, and willing through my sobriety, learned that rigorous honesty was one of the keys to my life being as good as it is today.
Lying, withholding the truth, feels wrong. I need Julia to get Ellie’s permission for this friendship to continue, and I have to trust she will be able to do so.
Do any of us, Ellie included, have the right to ban this friendship? Isn’t it better for everyone, and certainly for the girls, that they are allowed to continue discovering each other?
My mind is whirling; I offer a quick prayer that Ellie will come round.
“You think you can change her mind?”
“I’ve always managed it in the past. We’ll figure it out. In the meantime I’d like to get to know Annie too. I know she was supposed to see Trudy tonight. Do you think maybe I could take her out?”
“That would be amazing! She would love it!” I give Julia a huge hug, thinking how lucky I am that Julia is still as wonderful as she always was.
* * *
I leave and walk up to the flower stand on Main Street to pick up flowers for Abigail, then to the supermarket for a couple of bottles of sparkling apple cider in place of wine, then come back and crawl into bed for an afternoon nap, which feels like the most delicious luxury of all.
I wake up and plot Annie’s evening with her. We will drop her at Julia’s on the way to Abigail’s house, where she will spend the evening getting to know her aunt. Annie isn’t quite as excited as she was about Trudy, but it’s a close second.