cheek—filled me with so much rage, I worried for my sanity. What kind of hold did she have on me to incite this much emotion? We hadn’t even had sex yet.
I tried to do the healthy thing and let her go. She claimed she wasn’t interested anyway. But she was. We both knew she felt something. This was just some bullshit game we had to play until she couldn’t take the distance anymore. We’d played it before. Sooner or later she’d show up in her sweatpants with a bottle of wine and an excuse.
I hadn’t decided if I’d forgive her. I shouldn’t care this much. I should be in a place where casual was just fine. No expectations, no problem. But I wasn’t. I was eye fucking my peephole every night and stalking my text messages for any response from her.
By Wednesday, I was pounding on her door. She was home—I could hear her phone ringing when I called—and yet she wouldn’t fucking answer.
“Avery! This is childish.”
Fury bubbled out of helplessness. What the hell sort of woman was I dealing with? It was like dating a child.
“Answer the fucking door—please.”
By the end of the week, my pride was a pile of mush, and I was embarrassed for myself. This wasn’t me. Women never affected me like this. I needed to get control of my senses.
I spent the remainder of the week working through my emotions and convincing myself that I was rejecting her before she ever rejected me. It was bullshit, but it was also the only way I could move on. And I would move on. There was no way I’d start the new year like a pussy whipped little boy pining over his crazy bitch of a neighbor. I had better things to do.
And she was a bitch. Only a bitch could act so cold and warm at the drop of a dollar. Infuriated and at my wit's end, I decided if she wanted to ghost out of my life, I’d beat her to it. She might be a cold-hearted bitch when she wanted to be, but I could be a callous prick if that’s what she wanted.
19
Avery
I was a big, fat coward—and turning into a bit of a recluse. After our date, Noah assumed all was good and he’d won, but we both lost. I just couldn’t give him what he wanted. And that meant he couldn’t give me the one thing I needed—a friend.
The following week, I hid in my apartment, binging on Christmas classics and eating things I had no business putting in my mouth. Being that Noah and I shared a floor, a building, an elevator, and the common areas, I had to change my usual routine to make sure we didn’t cross paths.
I stopped going to the gym at dawn and started going at seven-forty-five after Noah disappeared for the day. I also started studying on campus so I didn’t have to be around when he was home on the weekends. As far as my clients… I broke my usual rules and asked them to come up to my door. That way if I did have to use the hall, I was never alone.
I knew Noah watched me in the past. He’d admitted as much. He knew what clients were closest to me, who I allowed to kiss my cheek, and which ones took me out the most. These men were my only source of income and while I still had nothing sexual going on with any of them, I had a business relationship with each. Noah wouldn’t dare interfere with that because whether he approved or not, it was my job.
He called and texted and even banged on my door a few times, but I never answered. We weren’t going to be romantically involved. Once he understood I wasn’t budging, he could have settled for being my friend, but he didn’t. His texts crossed a line, turning nasty before they stopped altogether.
* * *
Avery, please call me.
Why won’t you answer your texts?
I know you’re home!
Fine, you want to be a fucking coward, enjoy passing time with your Johns and fulfilling an empty life! We could’ve had something real!
* * *
Tapping my pencil on my textbook, I pursed my lips, ignoring the pinch of rejection that accompanied his silence. I should be used to having no friends. I’d written off everyone I left in Blackwater. And living the secret life of a sugar baby didn’t really create genuine relationships.