under me, and now I was the fool crying in his lap getting fucking aftercare for something I wasn’t sure I consented to do.
We hadn’t even had sex, yet he absconded with part of my soul and hid it someplace no one would ever find it again. Gone forever, and more valuable than a hundred virgins’ innocence. Whatever he took, he stole it. It was my Cosmo all over again, but so much more. I shoved at his chest.
“Don’t. You’re going to let me hold you.”
My jaw locked as I blinked against my infuriating tears. “You tricked me.”
“I worshipped you.”
I was angry and confused and relieved in a way I didn’t understand. It was too much. Too intimate. Too open. Too … real.
No matter how many times I tried to break the hold he had over me, both emotionally and physically, he wouldn’t let go. And somehow I knew there was no going back to the way things were.
“I hate you.”
He sighed and pressed his lips to the top of my head, keeping them there as he whispered, “No, you don’t.”
Didn’t I? Every feeling toward him was now tarnished with this moment I’d never be able to erase. I wasn’t the sort of girl who found comfort in exposing the soft underbelly of her soul. I needed the upper hand at all times. I foolishly trusted him. I believed him when he said he’d try it my way. But that was all a lie.
I didn’t hate him for lying. I hated him for tricking me into something I didn’t want to feel. He made me vulnerable. He made me weak.
Maybe I didn’t hate him, but I was certain I couldn’t trust him.
Tonight wasn’t supposed to change anything, yet after he stole the control, it changed everything. “I want to go home.”
“We’re staying.”
Yeah. I hated him.
16
Noah
My mind blanked as I rocked her in my arms, tucking her head under my chin to keep my startled stare hidden from her view. Jesus, what the hell just happened?
I got that she liked to play Little Miss Bossy Boots in bed, but this was more than that. I wondered if she ever had an orgasm that wasn’t manufactured in her own puppeteering way. Had every guy she’d ever been with let her call the shots—one hundred percent of the time? No way.
I was outside of my jurisdiction, but now I was involved. As I rocked her, I tried to decide if I pushed us into a better, more honest territory or if I majorly crossed a line. Fuck me, because I didn’t know.
She sniffled, breathing settled as I rocked her, and her limbs slowly relaxed. The tension in her spine curling as she settled more onto my lap.
Avery was an ongoing contradiction. One minute she was assertive and self-assured, and the next minute, she was vulnerable and insecure. How had I ever thought her to be tough? But she was tough, just not now as her tears chilled my chest and her shoulders gently shook under her soft, jagged breaths.
She reminded me of a dam. Chip one hole in the wall and from a tiny leak, sprung a tsunami. Maybe only an insane man would pick at such a barricade. She’d been closed off for a reason, and I arrogantly assumed I could handle whatever was on the other side. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
Easing onto the pillows, I pulled her into my side. She tensed the moment we shifted positions, but a quick tightening of my grip showed her I wasn’t letting go and she didn’t waste her time arguing.
“Let’s just lie here together.”
She made no comment or objection. Every once in a while she’d blink, and I’d feel the flick of her long lashes against my bare chest.
Her full breasts pressed like warm pillows against my ribs, and I loved the weight of her in my arms. Every breath filled my lungs with her scent, and I found nothing but tranquility in the tease of her hair. Some strands clung to my five o’clock shadow, and for some reason, this turned me on. It made me want to drag kisses over her front and leave her skin rosy with whisker burn. But not tonight.
She was emotionally wrung, and I was a little out of my element. I had the sense that she’d fall asleep if I held her here long enough. My phone was on the nightstand. If she passed out, I could look a few things up, find out more about