Suddenly His - Jessa Kane Page 0,38
now. He makes me feel safe and protected—and none of it is an illusion. He’s real, he’s raw…and the intensely affectionate way he looks at me makes my worry dissipate into nothing.
When I came here, my goal was to find the real Jack. To find out if he was the kind of man who breaks promises and manipulates me with money. Or the man who rescued me on Friday night, put me at such ease. And so far I’ve found him to be generous, cocky on the outside, insecure about his true character on the inside. He’s blisteringly sexual, commanding, blunt and complicated. A man who has been betrayed. A man who has been ruthless—perhaps because revenge is something he understands.
Unlike the love for one’s mother, which he does not.
Mainly what I’ve learned since coming here…is that I want to know more.
I want to know all.
We’re walking a slow circle around the outdoor portion of the pool now. There’s a light breeze rippling the water, but it’s not cool enough to warrant a sweater. Still, Jack pulls me into his side and kisses my temple, a maid happening by to replace my empty champagne glass without breaking stride. The sun is streaked with oranges and pinks and my lips are tingling from the champagne bubbles. And God, Jack smells so good. All beer and man and the cherry notes of the cigar sticking out of his shirt pocket.
He draws me down onto a wide, overstuffed lounger at the edge of the pool and we sit for a while in the quiet, Jack’s fingers stroking up and down my bare arm.
“Did you have fun today?”
I answer honestly, my fingers toying with the buttons of his shirt. “Today was…one of the best days of my life. Thank you.”
He laughs quietly. “I can’t believe you’re thanking me.” He seems to be searching for the right words. “Every second with you is an honor, Maisy.”
“I feel the same way about spending time with you, Jack.” His scoff makes me frown and I lift my head. “How is that you’re arrogant in so many ways, while being completely insecure in others?”
“I’m arrogant in my abilities. Making deals, surprising you, taking you places, giving you pleasure.” He hesitates. “It’s the moments in between where I don’t know what, if anything, I have to offer. While you, angel…you’re like this beautiful balm over a scar, erasing the possibility of anything ugly in the world. Grace and honesty and optimism and forgiveness.”
A metal iron is weighing down on my chest. “That’s a beautiful thing to say,” I whisper.
“You can smile while scrubbing a floor. I know, I’ve seen the pictures.” He tilts his head to look down at me, his knuckles making a downward sweep of my jawline. “Meanwhile, I can make a multi-million-dollar trade and…nothing. I feel nothing. Only this…urgency for more.”
“Who do you want more for? You? Or are you trying to prove something?”
He sighs, shifting my hair. “Maybe.”
I study his face closely, noticing the shadows dancing in his blue eyes. “To who?”
The pulse at the base of his neck starts to move faster. “I don’t know.”
I’m trying not to push too hard. If I sensed he wanted to change the subject, I would. No one should have to talk about painful parts of their past until they’re ready. But he does want to share. The way he pulls me close, as if seeking strength, tells me so. “Could it be your parents?” I ask gently. “You said you didn’t have a mother. What about a father?”
His jaw flexes. “I don’t know. I was left as a newborn at a fire station. I’m guessing my mother was young and scared. Or in a dangerous situation.”
“I’m sorry, Jack,” I whisper, my heart fracturing. “But I’m glad she took you somewhere safe. That was brave of her.”
“Yeah. I know that in my head. That she did something brave. But I’m, uh…” He closes his eyes. “This is how I know I’m not a good man, Maisy.”
“How?”
“I’m angry at her. At the father, too.” He looks down at me, as if uneasy about my reaction. “It’s not fair. I don’t even know the circumstances. But everything that followed, all those years in the system…I don’t know how to stop blaming them.” His voice drops when he adds, “Even hating them sometimes. It’s why I acted the way I did with your mother. I just saw her leaving you, like they left me.”
This is the real Jack. He’s more than