Sucker Punch (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter #27) - Laurell K. Hamilton Page 0,232

and doing it for God and making babies.”

Olaf made a face as if the water tasted bad, but apparently it was more Angel’s words. “No, no, that is not what I mean by the phrase.”

“That’s what I mean about needing to define terms,” I said, and leaned my butt against the edge of the window frame while I sipped my almost yummy sports drink.

“If we can have such different definitions, then yes, we need to discuss what vanilla sex means.”

“Why are you fixated on vanilla sex?” Angel asked.

“Perhaps I am using the wrong words.”

I glanced back at Edward. I raised eyebrows at him, hoping he’d understand that I needed a little help here.

“Anita doesn’t really do vanilla sex,” he said.

“What does she do?” Olaf asked.

Normally I’d have told Olaf not to talk about me as if I weren’t sitting right there, but honestly, I didn’t want to answer the question. I did not want to talk about my sexual preferences with him, ever.

“Multiple partners for starters,” Edward said.

“I know that most of her men prefer a second man in the bed when they are with her. I would not need that.” Olaf’s voice held disapproval now, almost disdain.

“You make it sound like it’s every man’s idea to have another man in the bed with us,” I said.

“Are you saying that it is your idea?”

“It depends on the man. Sometimes it’s Jean-Claude’s idea, and sometimes it’s mine. Sometimes it’s Nathaniel’s.”

“Sometimes it’s mine,” Nicky said with a smile so fierce and happy that it was almost a snarl.

“You are able to ask for things you want?” Olaf asked.

“Yes.”

Olaf looked at me. “How is that possible if he has no will of his own?”

“I give Nicky as much free will as I can,” I said.

“She feels guilty about trapping me forever,” Nicky said, “so she works really hard at letting me be myself.”

“You are a sociopath and a mercenary that took money to torture and kill people,” Olaf said. “How can Anita let you be yourself?”

“I don’t torture and kill people for money anymore.”

“Don’t you miss it?” Olaf asked.

“Not as much as I thought I would.”

“What do you miss most?”

“Being able to fight full-out, no-holds-barred, and beat the shit out of another guy.”

“You train with the other guards at home,” I said.

Nicky shook his head. “It’s not the same thing, Anita.”

“When you say you want to beat the shit out of someone, you don’t mean like an MMA fight with rules and a referee, do you?” I said.

He just shook his head.

“He means fighting for his life, Anita,” Edward said.

“He means beating people to death,” Olaf said.

I glanced at Olaf, but Nicky spoke up and got me to look at him. “I mean fighting when it’s all on the line. When if I don’t win the fight, he kills me.”

I stared at him, studying his face and trying to see if he was serious, and of course he was. “I’ve fought people to stay alive, knowing if I lost, they’d kill me. I didn’t enjoy it.”

“I know you don’t, and if your life is at risk, or the lives of any of the people we care about, then it’s not fun.”

“But you still miss it for yourself?” I asked.

Nicky nodded.

“I understand what he means,” Edward said.

“Okay. Explain it to me,” I said.

“It’s the same thing that makes me want to test myself against the biggest and baddest monster I can find.”

“It’s a way of knowing who’s the best,” I said.

Edward nodded.

I looked from my best friend to one of the loves of my life and back again. Then I looked at Olaf. “And you understand what they’re talking about, don’t you?”

“I do.”

I looked at Ethan. He raised his hands. “Don’t look at me. That’s not how I think.”

I looked at the two SEALs still guarding their respective doors. “How about you guys?”

Custer shook his head. “I like to test myself, but not like that, and I don’t want to ever fight Nicky for real.”

Milligan laughed. “I’ll second that part, and I’m not one of your lovers. I’m not even trying out for the job, so I don’t have to answer the other question, or are there questions? Either way, I don’t have to answer.”

“You’re right. It’s pretty personal. Sorry. I have bad boundaries sometimes.”

“You’re just used to dating almost everyone in a room,” Angel said.

“You didn’t ask us the question,” Pierette said, voice quiet but firm enough to fill the room.

“What question?” I asked.

“What we miss by being bound to you.”

“I don’t think