Suck My Life (Sucking Dead #1) - Andie M. Long Page 0,44

eye contact with me.

“Look, I know some great reads, but instead of having to read a particular book by Wednesday, why not just come each week having read anything at all and tell the others your thoughts on it? Then you’re not under pressure to read a set book. Reading shouldn’t be forced. It should be a natural, enjoyable experience, giving lots of pleasure. Reading should be like great sex,” I declared.

“You find me a book like that, and I will damn well read it,” said Fenella who owned the laundry.

And so the evening was spent eating cupcakes (yes, I was becoming quite the connoisseur), enjoying a sneaky gin, and advising the book club members of Gnarly on what books I thought they’d enjoy reading.

“Would you please become the new president of our book club, seeing as you’ve seen what we were like without you?” Callie pleaded.

“I can’t promise I’ll be able to make it every week, but I will do my best,” I said, a huge grin appearing across my face because I’d had a great evening that involved one of my most favourite subjects, books, and I felt more a part of Gnarly’s community.

Saying goodbye to everyone, I returned to Wayward with my smile still firmly in place.

To be met in the hallway by Spence.

“I thought spirits had to keep to the second floor?”

“I have special privileges to be in the hallway to greet any visitors too.”

“Oh, who are we expecting.”

“I was waiting for you, Queen Mya. Death would like to see you immediately in the new office, formerly room eight.” Spence lowered his voice. “He looks really grumpy. Like a thousand times grumpier than the grumpiest he’s ever been.”

“Spence, that’s impossible. He is the King of Brood.”

But as I entered the new office and clocked Death’s face, I saw I really hadn’t seen him at his moodiest, because, oh boy, if I wasn’t already dead, that look would have killed me.

“Take a seat, Mya. We have much to discuss.” He pointed at my chair.

“Can’t it wait until morning?”

“No, we will be very busy tomorrow. It’s your funeral.”

“Oh!” I exclaimed. “Yes, we’d better discuss our plans.”

“That’s not why you’re here.” He folded his arms across his chest, and I realised he was dressed in his Reaper clothes, not his relaxing house ones. This meeting was official.

“I’ve received a complaint. Because you’ve recently dispatched two hundred and thirty-six souls. Only sixteen of which have gone to Heaven.”

Guilt flooded my features. Oops.

“While they don’t expect equal amounts, such discord is unusual, and so my upstairs boss called me into a meeting today. Do you want to tell me what’s going on, and please don’t say you’ve chosen all the evil men who wronged their girlfriends in some kind of revenge against my deciding us being together wasn’t a good thing.”

I looked around the room and then eventually met Death’s gaze.

“Guilty as charged,” I admitted.

Death

I only had myself to blame really. I should have done more than one test session with her—and I was talking about her induction here, not the seduction.

Mya walked in, looking at the newly arranged room and sat in the other seat.

“I’ve taken the liberty of printing a list of people who I think may favour Heaven for you to work through until you’ve evened things out a bit and then you need to set a system whereby maybe you do the oldest souls here first for fairness.”

“Fine.”

“Oh no. Do not ‘fine’ me. I bumped into Lawrie and he told me exactly what it means when a woman says that word.

“Okay then. Not fine. I’m really pissed at you for shagging me and then writing me a ‘you’re dumped’ message on my newly cleaned mirror. And now you’re telling me how to do my job. I’ve not been here a week yet. So SUCK YOU,” she yelled upward. “FUCK YOU,” she yelled downward, “and you,” she fixed her glare on me, “can go FUCK YOURSELF.”

This wasn’t going well. Mya picked up my printout and ripped it into pieces before throwing them in my face.

What made things worse was I did regret my actions. I’d panicked in the bathroom and thought she should be focusing on the job and that I’d distracted her, but now she was looking like she worked for the basement branch.

“I’d had a really good night, but you had to go ruin it, didn’t you? Mr Doom and Gloom. Are we finished because I’m going to my rooms to send all the spirits wronged