Such Great Heights - Sydney Logan Page 0,47
the grass.
“We’re good.”
Her face flickers with relief as I wrap my arm around her.
“The ducks are really hungry!” Ryder shouts. “And we have a secret!”
I smirk. Way to go, son.
“A secret? Do I get to hear?”
Ryder shoots me a glare. “Daddy says not yet.”
“Daddy does, huh?”
I nuzzle her hair.
“It’s a surprise. But it’s a good one!” Ryder laughs happily as he tosses the last of the bread. “All gone. Can I go slide now?”
Olivia and I laugh. My kid has the attention span of a gnat.
“Yes, you can go slide. But stay close.”
The two of us remain on the grass as we watch Ryder climb the slide.
“I guess it went well?” she asks softly.
“Better than I could have hoped.”
“Good.” Olivia snuggles deeper into my arms. “What’s this about a secret?”
I grin and kiss her temple.
“Oh, that? That’s a surprise. It’ll have to wait, though.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because once that secret is revealed, I’m going to want to kiss you. A lot. And you won’t let me right now. So, we wait.”
“Hmm.”
Olivia leans back, resting her back against my chest, as we watch Ryder go up and down on the slide. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen my son so happy. And I know she’s the reason.
“Well, whatever it is,” she says, “I can’t wait to hear it.”
I kiss the side of her neck and nuzzle her ear.
“And I can’t wait to tell you.”
When Wednesday’s visitation rolls around, I decide to make myself scarce by meeting Dana and Angel at our favorite diner. They’re both late, of course, so I order a slice of cheesecake while I wait. Jackson didn’t want me to leave, but if Natasha is going to continue making the effort, I should give her the benefit of the doubt without standing guard like a mama bear.
But, truthfully, that’s not the only reason I’m here.
Dr. Jane had suggested that, while Ryder’s trying to reconnect with his mom, this might be a good time for me to take a small step back and have a life outside of the penthouse. Like making time for my friends, whom I’ve neglected over the past few months. Or, by updating my resumé so that I can reapply to school districts in hopes of getting a teaching position next year.
I’m still not sure if these suggestions were made for Ryder’s benefit or for mine, but after a long talk with Jackson, I decided that the doctor was probably right, because the more I’m around him, the more I love him. Both of them. And all that love is causing lines to blur.
Am I the nanny or the mother?
Am I the employee or the girlfriend?
From the very beginning, I’ve always been more than just the nanny, and time has only strengthened my love for a child who isn’t my own. I’ve filled the role of his mom, but now she’s back and making an effort. Will it last? Time will tell. But for Ryder’s sake, I want to give Natasha a fair chance. And that means re-evaluating my place in Ryder’s life.
I can’t lie. It’s hard. Unbelievably hard.
Jackson thinks I’m crazy. That I’m giving Natasha too much credit. He totally expects her to mess up. To get bored. To turn into the selfish woman she used to be. Give her enough rope, Jackson says, and she’ll hang herself eventually.
Cold-hearted? Yes.
But I get it.
Natasha left him, but most importantly, she left her son.
Some things you just can’t forgive, no matter how hard she’s trying to make things right.
While I selfishly feel like I’m losing my favorite boy to his mother, I find peace in the fact that I’m not competing with her for Jackson’s heart. Natasha could suddenly become Mother of the Year, but Jackson would still love me.
No, he hasn’t said the words. But I can feel them.
In every gentle touch and in every innocent forehead kiss.
We’re still trying to be discreet—if for no other reason than we don’t want Natasha to have any ammunition for the custody hearing.
Another good reason for me to make myself scarce today.
Glancing at my phone, I notice the time and send my friends a text.
Where are you?
After I hit send, I notice a voicemail. At first, I’m afraid I’ve missed a call from Jackson, but it’s not his number. It’s the same unfamiliar number that’s been calling me for weeks now. Bored enough to be intrigued, I listen.
“Miss Stuart, this is Penelope Crane. I’m the principal of Castlewood Elementary. I’ve been trying to reach you for a few weeks