Succubs on Top Page 0,93

wantonly, you'll get in trouble from the powers that be for targeting other immortals. You'll also get us in trouble for arming you."

"This sounds kind of like entrapment."

"That's an ugly word. Let's just keep it in terms of self-defense."

"So, you think things are going to get rough enough that I'll actually need self-defense?"

He hesitated. "I don't know. I just don't know."

"Yeah, but then, if this guy's perfectly nice and just sells me a stash of ambrosia, I can't do anything? We've wasted the trip?"

"Like I said, I don't know. Really. But honestly...if they're making it this easy to find him, I have to think something weird is going on. Just be careful, okay?" His face was all seriousness now. "You're smart. You can pull this off."

"And I don't suppose, at any point in this, you're going to tell me who this guy actually is?"

"I believe ignorance is bliss."

I threw my hands up, not knowing what else to say. Carter traded a few more jokes with me and then rose to go. Hesitating, he gave me a curious look.

"You sure you don't want to talk? You've obviously got something bugging you. "

"I do. But I've got to deal with it on my own."

"Fair enough. See ya." An eyeblink later, the angel disappeared.

Seth showed up about an hour later, a little blue paint smudged on his face. "Terry and Andrea are painting the kitchen now."

I smiled at him, swallowing all the churning emotions within me. "How can you get so messy when you don't even do the painting?"

I found a washcloth and dabbed at his face in a fruitless effort to clean him up. Standing so close, I suddenly had a flashback to last night. His hands stroking my breasts. Feeling him inside of me, filling me up. Our bodies moving together. His lips parting slightly when he came.

"It won't come off," I said abruptly, jerking away.

"Oh. Okay."

I stayed moody and silent for the rest of the night, stiff and distant at any sort of touching. Seth picked up on the vibe right away and let me have my space. We walked a few blocks down the street to a theater that only showed Oscar nominees and artsy, independent films. We saw one of the latter, and I have to admit, it did take my mind off my love life, if only for two hours.

Sitting at an Italian restaurant afterward, I let him draw me into a discussion of the film's merits. It amazed me that my mouth could keep up with the conversation while the rest of me was in an entirely different world.

Over and over, I replayed what had happened last night - and not just the sex part. I analyzed everything, the events that had led up to it. Why had I done it? What had made me give in? Had it really been an altruistic attempt to fix Seth and me by removing the temptation? Had it been an aching desire to take comfort in Bastien? Or, most likely, had it been something selfish on my part? A burning desire to touch what I wasn't supposed to have - not because it might help our relationship, but because I just wanted to do it. I had wanted that pleasure. I had craved his body and simply gave in to the hedonism I longed for. I was a creature of hell, after all. I had observed before that we weren't exactly known for our self-control.

Yet none of that changed the fact that it had happened. It had happened, and I had to do something about it. Or...did I?

Seth sat across from me, looking happy and content as we talked. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. I thought back to the lists. If he never found out, the truth couldn't hurt him. We could go on as we had. The only problem would be that I knew the truth. I had to live with this betrayal, not only of our physical relationship but also of our attempts at honesty and openness. One more entry on the list of dark and nasty secrets I already kept.

"You with me, Thetis?" he asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

He gave me a small, sweet smile and moved his hand over to hold mine. I squeezed it back. "You look like you're miles away. "

I gave him a half-smile in return. Apparently I wasn't as subtle as I thought. I looked at him, studying those beloved features, and shook my head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him.