Stupid Fast - By Geoff Herbach Page 0,88
pointed at me. “Watch toss to 34,” he shouted. “Watch toss to 34.”
Cody took the snap. I stepped left. Cody swiveled and tossed me the ball underhanded. I caught it and tucked it under my left arm. I took small steps, under control. The defensive end reached for me, but I bent around him. Karpinski fought the cornerback. I slid by. I looked for my tackle. I looked for Reese. I found Reese. He cracked the linebacker. The sea of green opened. I exploded with all my donkey speed. Jay Landry accelerated toward me. One stride. Two strides. Jay Landry dove at air. I was gone.
I’d like to say I thought of Jerri on a mountain or Andrew in the stands with Grandma or Aleah pounding on piano keys or my force of nature dad pounding a tennis ball, but there was no thought, just this field in slow motion, teammates and fans like the blurry grass waving in the main road ditch as I ride my Schwinn Varsity faster and faster in silence except for the wind whistling, down the hill so fast, down the field so fast, that I’m surprised to find the end so soon.
I slow, stop, all is silence. I look into the stands, and it all explodes like Chinese New Year.
Listen. I’m stupid fast. Seriously.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As always, I am in debt to a big wad of people and places. First, thanks to Jim McCarthy, my agent, for caring about good books. Thanks to Dan Ehrenhaft for caring about this book. Thanks to the effervescent Leah Hultenschmidt for her excellent shepherding. That goes for the whole Sourcebooks crew too. (Thank you!) My mom, Donna, actually copyedited the manuscript before I turned it in (apparently copyeditors don’t like ellipses as much as I do…still, thanks, Mom—I love you). A big thanks to Platteville High School in the great state of Wisconsin. I can’t believe the opportunities this school afforded me: sports, music, theater, serious academics. Thanks to my whole hometown, Platteville, come to think of it. Thanks to the fantastic English Department at Minnesota State, Mankato. Thanks to the Class of 2k11. Thanks to Dustin Luke Nelson for encouragement and support. Thanks to my pal Sam Osterhout for writing so funny he makes me want to write. To Stephanie Wilbur Ash, whoa, so, so, so much for a thousand things. Finally, to my dad, Max Herbach, for warmth, for enthusiasm, for curiosity, for action, and for the fantastic sense of the absurd that ripples through my sense of humor. Thank you. I love you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Geoff Herbach writes novels, hosts funny and sad radio shows, collaborates on indie rock musicals that may or may not be produced, and teaches in the creative writing program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is the father of two great kids, Leo and Mira. He is partnered to a very tall girl from Iowa named Steph. He loves big cities but feels most comfortable on dark quiet streets in the rural Midwest. He grew up in Platteville, Wisconsin, where he was both a dork and a jock.
Table of Contents
FRONT COVER
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
CHAPTER 1: NOW
CHAPTER 2: MY BODY GREW HAIR
CHAPTER 3: PROOF IN MAY I SHOULDN’T BE A COMEDIAN
CHAPTER 4: THE TERRIBLE PHONE CALL OF LATE MAY!
CHAPTER 5: I MEAN, MAN! I USED TO LOVE SUMMER!
CHAPTER 6: BUT THIS SUMMER?
CHAPTER 7: THEN SOMEONE MOVED INTO GUS’S HOUSE
CHAPTER 8: I HAVE NO TALENT FOR DRUMMING—ANDREW DOES (I CARRIED AROUND A BAG OF ROCKS)
CHAPTER 9: THINGS BEGAN TO SERIOUSLY CHANGE AT THE POOL
CHAPTER 10: I’D NEVER SEEN ANYONE DO ANYTHING THAT WELL, NOT EVEN ANDREW
CHAPTER 11: I FELT BETTER UNTIL JERRI DROPPED THE F-BOMB
CHAPTER 12: MAKING A LIST, CHECKING IT TWICE
CHAPTER 13: IT IS 2:35 A.M.
CHAPTER 14: THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC
CHAPTER 15: SO BIG!
CHAPTER 16: WE COULD ONLY SEE EACH OTHER, SERIOUSLY
CHAPTER 17: IT’S 3 A.M.
CHAPTER 18: I LIKE ME SOME FRIENDS
CHAPTER 19: JERRI DRINKS SOME WINE
CHAPTER 20: I REALLY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
CHAPTER 21: I CAN CATCH A DAMN FOOTBALL
CHAPTER 22: I CAN BE A NORMAL DAMN TEENAGER, SORT OF
CHAPTER 23: MAYBE I DON’T NEED GUS?
CHAPTER 24: THE DAY BEFORE WAS NO DREAM—THE HOUSE WAS UNWINDING
CHAPTER 25: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, OFFICER?
CHAPTER 26: THINKING ABOUT COMEDY AGAIN
CHAPTER 27: 4:38 A.M.
CHAPTER 28: THE ROAD RUNNER RUNS UP CLIFFS
CHAPTER 29: ALEAH
CHAPTER 30: THE MOUND
CHAPTER 31: ALEAH AGAIN
CHAPTER 32: THE MOUND AGAIN
CHAPTER 33: MUSCLEY BARBARIAN
CHAPTER 34: I HAD TO BE A BARBARIAN
CHAPTER 35: DID I SAY BARBARIAN?
CHAPTER 36: DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA…
CHAPTER 37: BARBARIAN NOT ALWAYS GOOD
CHAPTER 38: KEN JOHNSON
CHAPTER 39: TIRED BARBARIAN
CHAPTER 40: 5:15 A.M.
CHAPTER 41: THE INJURY
CHAPTER 42: FOOD FIGHT
CHAPTER 43: A PLAN
CHAPTER 44: ESCAPE
CHAPTER 45: GRANDMA
CHAPTER 46: BRAIN MASH: PART I
CHAPTER 47: BRAIN MASH: PART II
CHAPTER 48: BRAIN MASH: PART III
CHAPTER 49: BRAIN MASH: PART IV
CHAPTER 50: I GUESS IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH
CHAPTER 51: ONE ALMOST NORMAL CONVERSATION
CHAPTER 52: I CAN JUGGLE CLEAN SOCK BALLS
CHAPTER 53: FIRST THREE DAYS
CHAPTER 54: HONKIES DUMP TRASH
CHAPTER 55: FAKER!
CHAPTER 56: CELL PHONE
CHAPTER 57: SWEET SIXTEEN
CHAPTER 58: BIRTHDAY
CHAPTER 59: GRAVEL ASSAULT
CHAPTER 60: GOOD-BYE, JERRI
CHAPTER 61: GRANDMA’S AWAKE!
CHAPTER 62: SWEETNESS
CHAPTER 63: LAST NIGHT’S GAME
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
BACK COVER