Stupid Fast - By Geoff Herbach Page 0,24

a surge of adrenaline.

“I really appreciate it,” he said.

I swallowed hard. I seriously meant it. I’d work my ass off.

We started climbing again toward the weight room, and I thought.

Who is Jamie? Oh, Jamie…Jamie…Jamie Dern…honky…grade older than me…dentist’s son. Have I ever said a word to him? Is he in the weight room now? What the hell would Gus think about this? He’d hate it. He’d make mean jokes. Should I tell him? He might not even respond to my email. I don’t have to tell him anything. Why don’t I hate it? Why do I want to do what Cody says? How did I get so damn big? When will I stop growing hair? What if I keep growing and growing and growing? What if I turn into King Kong? (Accidentally smash Ken Johnson?) What if I have to move to an island away from people because I crush them if I live among them?

We popped into the putrid-smelling weight room.

“When’s your birthday, Reinstein? It’s coming up, right?”

“July 31st.”

“I’m going to throw you a party.”

“Oh, thanks.” I wasn’t sure I liked the idea.

And then we lifted weights. Jamie Dern was up there, pumping it like the rest of the yahoos. At one point, after a couple poop-stinkers prodded him, he came over to where me and Cody were. He said he wouldn’t give up his spot without a fight, but he didn’t look mad or anything. Maybe he looked relieved? He actually shook my hand. And even though I could keep up, pumping weight and shouting gah and sweating and stinking and lifting because I’m apparently naturally strong, at the end, I was so exhausted that I could barely walk.

“That’s what I’m talking about! That’s what I’m talking about!” Cody shouted.

Sort of couldn’t walk. Before we left, Cody made me go down to the gym. He handed me a basketball. He said, “Dunk it, Reinstein.”

“I can’t. I can barely touch the net.”

“No. Dunk it.”

I looked up. Half the honkies of the world were hanging over the weight room railing, staring down at me. I got a burst of adrenaline. I bounced the ball once, looked up at the rim, took about five steps, sprung up, and stuffed the ball through hard with my right hand.

“Holy effing crap!” I shouted.

“Woooo!” Cody shouted.

“Jesus, Rein Stone,” someone shouted from above.

“You’re big,” Cody smiled.

Then my legs turned to rubber, and I almost fell over. Cody and I shuffled to his truck, and he drove me home. When he stopped in front of my house, he said, “This is going to be a great summer.”

“Yeah,” I smiled and then climbed down from the cab. “Thanks, man.”

I went in through the garage door and avoided Andrew and Jerri, who were upstairs talking. I showered but couldn’t get the smell out of my nose. Pee smell. I wondered if I would smell vaguely of pee for the rest of my life? A brawny pee-smeller with fur and muscles. I wondered if it was worth it. I figured it was. I already knew it was. Definitely. “Did you notice your brain didn’t talk to itself the entire time you were lifting?” the voice in my head asked. That’s great. Maybe I’ll learn to enjoy the pee smell. I thought of my dad and the smell in the Volvo. I sniffed and crinkled my nose. Weird smell. Then I coated myself in deodorant. I literally put deodorant on my whole body. Slip slop. Smelled like flowers soaked in pee. Gross.

The doorbell rang.

Oh, no.

Aleah.

Andrew.

Jerri.

Me.

CHAPTER 16: WE COULD ONLY SEE EACH OTHER, SERIOUSLY

Yeah, what a huge day.

From the bathroom where I’d just applied deodorant to my entire body, I heard Aleah and her father enter my house. I’d had no intention of “visiting” with them. Before. But wasn’t I large? Wasn’t I a Division I football prospect? I dunked a basketball. Holy Christ, I dunked a freaking basketball! I liked what Cody said too. I had to carry myself like an athlete. Jesus.

Before doing anything, I went into my bedroom to check email. Surely Gus would have written something hilarious by now. I opened it up. Nothing. Where the hell was Gus?

I wrote: beautiful piano girl from your bedroom is upstairs in my house.

From downstairs in my bedroom, I could hear Jerri play cheery, although I knew she was not.

“Oh, wonderful! Oh, lovely! What a beautiful dress!” She actually sounded kind of psycho (not surprising). I couldn’t hear Andrew at all, which made me think he was acting strange, probably