Stud Muffin (Donner Bakery #2) - Jiffy Kate Page 0,103
don’t regret confiding this piece of information. I’ve held it close to my heart, afraid it wasn’t real… or validated… but the longer I mulled it over—flipping it this way and that—the more I knew it was true. There’s also the lingering fear that maybe I can’t trust myself. That may never go away. But love is the only explanation for the way I’ve felt.
I spent hours overthinking the dream I had and why it bothered me so badly and the only explanation is that I love him. Seeing Asher with Mindy brought out rage, but seeing Cage with someone else, even in a dream, it crushed me.
I care what he thinks.
I want to be around him more than any other person.
I miss him the second he walks out of the room. Walking away from him was the most painful thing I’ve ever done.
I want him… so bad… so much.
“So, if you love him… what’s the problem?” Jenn asks, nothing but honest curiosity in her question.
“How do I know I can trust him?” Looking back up at her, she frowns. “Anna said he’s probably just a rebound. She told me not to fall into bed with the first guy who tells me I’m beautiful… I mean, I lived with Asher for eight years and I didn’t even know the man I was married to. I had no clue who he really was. How do I know I can trust myself?”
“Honey, listen,” Jenn says, sighing as she leans onto the table and reaches for one of my hands, forcing my eyes to hers. “You can’t be held responsible for Asher’s indiscretions. That’s all on him, but it doesn’t cheapen your love and it doesn’t make you wrong. You… you’re everything right in the world.” She squeezes my hand and I roll my eyes, brushing away a rogue tear. “You are,” she insists. “You’re kind, caring, thoughtful… you’re a hard worker and you’re passionate about your craft. You accept those around you for who they are. Don’t let Asher mess that up for everyone else. He’s a bad apple, but it doesn’t mean everyone else is… it doesn’t mean Cage is.”
Deep down, I know what she’s saying is true, but the doubts still linger.
“I don’t know how to get past this,” I confess, feeling exhausted. “He doesn’t deserve my distrust. He’s good… the best person I know. I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want to give him a chance to hurt me. I’m tired of heartbreak.”
Jenn is quiet for a moment, but she finally lifts her chin up, confidence filling her tone. “Everyone in life has the possibility of hurting you. If you allow yourself to love and be loved, you risk being hurt. That’s just how it is. It’s the risk you take when you give your heart away. But if we never give it away, we never have the chance to find true happiness.”
We stand there in silence for a few minutes and I think about what she said. Loving people is risky, but what is life without love? I know these last few days without Cage have been horrible. I can’t imagine going my entire life without him… I need him, want him. And I know we were meant to find each other. Him moving to Green Valley wasn’t a mistake.
He’s not a mistake.
“What are you thinking?” Jenn asks.
I sigh, letting my heart do the talking. “I know Cage isn’t a rebound,” I tell her, feeling my heart stutter at the memory of telling him that. I was wrong… so, so wrong. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. On paper, we probably don’t make sense… this big, badass cage fighter and me, a cardigan-wearing muffin maker.” I laugh, wiping away a tear that slips out, but it’s not entirely due to sadness. For the first time in a long time, I can see my life clearly. “But we’re good together.”
Now she’s the one wiping away a tear. “That’s good,” she says, patting my hand she’s still holding. “Because you deserve to be loved… with a deep, fiery passion.”
I know Jenn speaks from experience, because that’s the way Cletus loves her. It’s so complete and authentic. You can see it every time he looks at her. I think I’ve seen the same look on Cage’s face when he looks at me… how stupid of me to discard that—him, his feelings.
“Asher stole years from your past,” she continues. “Don’t let him steal your future too.”