A Stranger at Castonbury - By Amanda McCabe Page 0,67
ignite the fire between them. She wanted it, wanted him so much, and yet it frightened her too.
Jamie seemed to sense her confusion, for his kiss trailed from her mouth and he rested his head on her shoulder as he held her there. They were so, so close, but also so far.
‘Forgive me, Catalina,’ he said. ‘That is what I’ve wanted to say for all these years. Forgive me.’
‘I do forgive you,’ she answered. ‘You did what you felt you had to.’
‘Forgive—but not forget?’
She had no answer for that. She could only hold on to him for that moment and hope that was enough.
Chapter Fifteen
It was a lovely day, Catalina thought as she leaned back on the fine leather seats of Jamie’s curricle. The sun was shining in a pale blue sky and the breeze smelled of flowers and fresh earth. She had seen Lydia off on her picnic excursion and then walked out of the Castonbury gates and across the Park to meet Jamie, which gave her a chance to look at the land in all its glory. All its beautiful potential to be as grand as it once was.
It was a day she wished would never quite end. The sun on her face, Jamie by her side—it was perfect. And so was the forgiveness they had exchanged; the past was in the past. It had to be.
‘What are you smiling about, Catalina?’ Jamie asked. She glanced at him from under the brim of her bonnet to see that he smiled too.
The sight of it made her heart feel even lighter. He had always been such a serious man, ever since she first met him, but here at Castonbury he seemed to brood even more, as if so much hung over him. Yet his smile was so very beautiful. She wished she could see it every day.
‘I was just thinking what a fine day it is,’ she answered. ‘Castonbury is such a lovely place.’
Jamie glanced at the fields to either side of the lane, endless expanses of green that rolled away to the horizon. The chimneys of the house could just be seen in the distance, like sentinels over this perfect little world.
‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘It is a pretty place.’
‘You must be glad to be home.’
Jamie was quiet for a long moment. ‘I fear I had begun to forget what Castonbury looked like during my time in Spain. The details of it grew hazy in my mind, and I only remembered it as a sort of prison. A trap.’
‘A trap?’ Catalina said in surprise. ‘Your home?’
‘When I was younger, it never felt quite like my home. I grew up on tales of the great Montagues, of our ancestors who held this important place in English history and accomplished so much to the glory of our name. I knew the stories were meant to make me feel my place in this line of greatness, but it always seemed so remote from what I felt inside. Castonbury felt like a chain to bind me.’
‘And that was really why you went to Spain?’ Catalina said quietly, afraid to shatter this moment of intimacy between them. Of truth. Of what they had built last night in the folly.
Jamie nodded. ‘I had a wildness in me that had to find some way to escape. The army, fighting the enemy, it seemed like a way to do that.’
‘To find your own place in the world.’
‘Yes.’ He glanced at her and she saw the dark shadow in his grey eyes. The same shadow that had seemed to hang over her own life for so long. ‘I thought I could prove my own worth to myself there, away from my family.’
‘When I was growing up I also learned so many tales of what was expected of me, as a Spanish woman, as a Perez promised to marry a Moreno. Every moment of my life was regimented. I was told how to do everything. And I could see the years stretching before me, more of the same,’ Catalina said. ‘It made me want to scream, to beat my fists against it all until it let me free!’
‘Yes,’ Jamie said intensely. ‘That was how I felt when I was younger. I was sure Giles or Harry would make a much better heir than me. They never seemed to have this—this darkness inside of them.’
Catalina smiled at him. ‘I am sure they did not want the weight of those expectations any more than you did.’