to happen? I don’t know if he knew, either, but “sorry” was the easiest way to fill that awkward silence, I guess.
We were silent for the rest of the drive back to my dorm.
“I’ll come pick you up tonight, okay? That way you can just leave your car here and not worry about it,” was all he said when I got out. We were going to a party at UMass that night.
Something else I shouldn’t have agreed to.
I only had a few hours before I saw him again, but they felt like an eternity. I paced around a lot, thought about calling Tosha—who was living with Liz in Amherst for the summer—but settled on a nap. Maybe when I woke up I wouldn’t be so weirded out about what had happened at the cemetery.
No such luck.
By the time we were walking into the party, I felt a physical shift from Ryker. He was rigid, anxious, and his eyes were darting around everywhere. I tried to act “over-normal”—whatever that means—because I swore it was just my craziness making Ryker look on edge. He was completely fine that morning.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked, after he handed me a beer.
Ryker leaned down and kissed my cheek. “I’m fine, Babe. Is Tosha coming?” He rubbed his hand back and forth over his head a few times before shoving it into his jeans pocket.
“She’ll be here. She just lives right across the street.” A gracious second later, I spotted her bounding through the crowd with some black low-lights tearing through her blonde curls. “There she is.” I took Ryker’s hand and led him through the sweaty bodies to Tosha.
“Hey Nat. Ryker, thank God you’re home!” Tosha hadn’t seen Ryker in the week that he’d been home. She gave him a huge hug, and his normal smile took over his face as he returned the gesture.
“It’s good to be home, Tosha.” He kissed her on the cheek and stood behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist.
“What in the sane hell did you do to your hair?” I laughed as I pulled one of the black strands.
She didn’t have time to answer before someone slammed into Ryker, throwing him into me, and causing his beer to spill down my back, which was bare from my spaghetti-strapped dress.
“What the fuck, asshole?” The venom in Ryker’s voice caused me to spin around, where I found him holding the stumbling transgressor by the collar. His neck was red, veins popping out as he breathed through his nostrils.
“Ryker, it’s fine,” I whispered in futility under the over-pumped bass coming from the speakers. “Ry!” I yelled as a circle started to form around him.
He snapped his head toward me the second time I called his name and swallowed hard as he let go of the stranger’s collar. Wordlessly, he grabbed my hand as his eyes pierced through mine. As we pushed past Tosha, whose eyes were as wide open as her mouth, I shrugged and mouthed “I’ll call you.”
Ryker gripped my hand harder as we—I—speed-walked to keep up with him toward his car.
“Ryker . . . Ryker . . .” He wasn’t responding to me, but I watched his shoulders rise and fall under his deep breaths. My hand started to hurt. “Ryker, you’re hurting me!” I shrieked when I thought my pinky knuckle was going to break.
“Jesus Christ, Natalie, I’m sorry.” He almost threw my hand down and ran both hands over his head as he paced back and forth in front of his car. “That guy was such a dick, and I ruined your dress. Did I hurt you? Fu—”
“No, I’m sorry,” I cut in, stepping cautiously toward him. I took his hands in mine, forcing him to stop pacing. “Today was really intense—we shouldn’t have come here—”
Ryker slammed his fists on the roof of his car, cutting me off. “What the fuck!” he growled, pressing his head into his doorframe.
“Let’s just go back to my dorm okay? I don’t have a roommate this summer, remember?” I tried for a coy smile, but I’m sure it looked more nervous than anything.
He nodded. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
I foolishly breathed a huge sigh of relief as I got into the car and we headed back to my dorm. The nightmares started that night—for both of us.
* * *
“I’m sorry,” Eric whispers as he kisses tears off my cheek.
I pull my head away. “What?”
“About our fighting lately, Natalie. I know things have been tense lately. I’m sorry. I didn’t