Still The One - Carrie Elks Page 0,55
by storm, and Cam neck deep in the football season, it had been Logan he’d turned to.
“Yeah, that’s why I turned up at your dorm room at the asscrack of dawn,” Logan said, humor in his voice. “We were worried about you. You and Van… man, you were like twins.” He chuckled. “And as much as Cam drives me crazy, I can’t imagine life without him.”
“Yeah, well apparently life still went on.”
“But did you?”
Tanner frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” Logan said quickly. “Ignore me. I’m grumpy because two of my staff quit today. And the guy who supplies my meat decided to run off with another restaurant owner without making sure I’m stocked up.” Logan sighed.
“Come on. You obviously meant something. I want to know.” Tanner leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“We’re all messed up in our own ways,” Logan said, his voice quiet. “Look at Gray and Dad, constantly at each others’ throats. And there’s Cam who only seems to come to life on the football field.” He let out a sigh. “You and me, we deal with the crap life throws at us by being workaholics. For the past five years whenever I’ve spoken to you, you were either at work, coming home from work, or heading there. And I get it, man, I do. Because I do the same. Work is safe. It’s our haven. It doesn’t hurt us, and we can’t hurt it.”
“You think I work hard because I’m avoiding emotion?” Tanner shook his head. “That’s bull. It’s just the way we were brought up.”
“I’m just saying it like I see it. Mom’s death was like an explosion in our lives. There was before and there was after. Two completely different lives. And there’s a part of us that’s desperate to have the before again, but its scary as hell. So we bury our heads in work and cling to the after.”
Tanner was quiet for a moment, his brows pulled together as he pondered his brother’s words. “Logan?” he asked.
“Yeah?”
“Have you gone to therapy?”
Logan coughed, though it sounded suspiciously like a laugh. “I might have.”
“Did it help?” Tanner was curious now. He remembered his own experience with therapy as a child. It was scary and made him want to run away.
“It did. For a bit. And then I stopped going.” Logan sounded sheepish. “Because work got too busy.”
Tanner laughed, because it was so damn typical of his brother. But at least he’d tried. “I love you, bro.”
“Ah, stop it with the emotional crap. Tell me, how is the whole employer employee thing going with Van?”
“It’s only been a couple of days. But it’s fine.”
“So it’s not just business? Oh boy.” Another whistle.
“I don’t know what it is,” Tanner admitted.
“Well, you need to work it out. Because work, friendships, and relationships don’t mix. Ask me how I know.”
“I don’t need to ask. I know your track record. How did Cam describe it?” Tanner mused, running a finger along his jaw. “Sleeping his way through the wait staff, was it?”
“Three girlfriends,” Logan said. “Three. And I made sure they weren’t kitchen staff.”
Tanner laughed. “And you’re trying to give me relationship advice?”
“I’m trying to protect you, because you’re my little brother and I love you.”
“Who’s being emotional now?” Tanner’s throat was tight, his breath captured inside.
“I’m telling you the truth, bro. Something that not many people do. When everything went down with you and Van, it broke you. And I’ve watched you fight against that brokenness, the same way you did when Mom died. If this thing… whatever it is… between you and Van implodes again, I’m not sure you’ll make it.”
The tightness in his throat felt like more of a chokehold. Tanner took a ragged breath in, feeling the oxygen inflate his lungs. “I’m not going to mess things up this time.” He couldn’t. Because Logan was right, he’d lost too much already. His mom, Van, the life he always thought they’d have. She was his best friend, his permanent companion, and then she was gone.
Just like his mom.
Logan laughed. “Take it easy. And don’t do anything stupid.”
“I won’t.” Tanner ended the call, letting his head fall back against the padded board behind his bed.
Logan was right. He’d spent most of his life avoiding the kind of pain he’d felt the night his mom died. And then when things went south with Van, it had come back tenfold.
But not this time. He was older, wiser, and more determined. And since he couldn’t hide himself in work,