Still not into you - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,6

outside on our door catches my attention.

Can we erase everything and start all over again? – Hudson

I read the words carefully, to make sure that I’m not dreaming.

I feel him come out of his room and stop right behind me.

“Hudson, what are you doing?” I ask. “I thought we’d gone over this.”

“I know we did, but the thing is that I don’t think you believe me. I think you think that I want you back because of Tea or losing all that money. I don’t. I want you back because I’m an idiot. I just realized that I never really stopped loving you and I never will.”

I clutch my bag. He doesn’t shift his weight from one foot to another, the way he usually does when he’s nervous or uncomfortable. Instead, Hudson stands up straight, his eyes fixed on mine. At this moment, not even an earthquake can break him away from me.

“I love you, too, Hudson.”

“So, what is it? Do you not believe me?”

“No, I do believe you.”

“So, why can’t we be together?” he asks.

“Because I’m afraid.” I take a deep breath. “I’m afraid of going through all this again, Hudson. Getting over you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And, honestly, I don’t think I can do it again. I’m sorry.”

I go into my room and close the door. I want to be with him more than anything. I want him to take me into his arms, tell me that everything’s going to be okay. I want to believe him, but I now know that this requires a big leap of faith. The kind of leap of faith that I’m not sure I’m capable of. Not now. There’s something else. There’s a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that this burning desire to be with me might blow over after finals. I hope I’m wrong. I just can’t know. Either way, I can’t think about this anymore. I have two more finals to worry about.

5

Two sleepless days later, I’m finally done with the semester. When I come back home, I find Juliet tossing all of her notebooks and papers from the semester into the trash.

“You’re getting rid of everything already?” I ask.

“ASAP. I’m done!”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” I say. I’ve never been one to throw away all of my notebooks, not even in high school where this was practically the ritual every June.

“What if you need to review something later on?” I ask.

“Why would I need to do that?” she asks. “Finals are over!”

I don’t have a good answer. I want my academic life from this semester out of sight as well, but I opt to drop all the papers into the bottom drawer of my desk.

“We’re all going out later to get drunk,” she says. “You in?”

“Of course,” I say. “My flight home isn’t until later tonight.”

“Awesome. I’m going home tomorrow. I think that’s when Dylan’s leaving, too. Not sure about Hudson.”

I nod. “Oh, hey, so how are things with you and Dylan?”

“They’re good, actually.” She smiles. “It was just a fling. Being friends is best.”

“So, is he back together with Peyton?”

“Oh, I have no idea.” She laughs. “I thought he was, but then he said that he wasn’t. Those two are addicted to each other. He told me that they’ve broken up and got back together like ten times! So much drama.”

“I never thought I’d hear that from you.” I laugh.

“Oh, I like drama. On stage. On screen. A little bit in my life. But his level of drama is out of control. No, not for me.”

We crack up laughing. As different as Juliet and I are, I know that I’m going to miss her over break.

“So, you never told me, what are you doing for next semester?”

“What do you mean?”

“Weren’t you planning on moving out? Not living with your ex again?” she asks.

“Oh, that. No, I’m planning on staying. We’re in a good place now,” I say. “Honestly, I completely forgot to even file the paperwork.”

“Well, that’s good. For me, at least.” Juliet smiles. “’Cause I kinda like you as a roommate.”

“Oh, really? Well, I kinda like you as a roommate, too.”

Later that afternoon, while we wait for Dylan to come back from his last final, I decide to pack. As I pull the suitcases out of the closet, all the clothes from the top shelf fall on me.

“Great. Just great,” I mutter and start sifting through them.

I need some warm clothes, but not that many.