Still not into you - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,45

I need a break. I pour myself another cup of soda into a red plastic cup and try to join a conversation about the Oscars. Who is nominated? Who isn’t? Who should’ve been? I can’t follow what anyone is saying. I know what they’re saying, but none of the words are making sense in sentence form. My mind is wandering. I can’t focus on anything.

“Don’t you think so, Alice?” the girl next to me asks. I have no idea what she’s talking about. She lives down the hall from me. I’ve seen her a million times before. We’ve exchanged pleasantries in the elevator. I know that she’s majoring in dance, but I can’t even remember her name.

“Yeah,” I say with a nod. Everyone waits for me to continue, but I can’t. “Listen, does anyone want anything to eat or another drink?”

Everyone shakes their heads and goes back to what they were doing. I head toward the dining room table and top off my drink with more soda. I want to look busy and like I’m having fun. I pace around the room saying hi to people, but not staying long enough to engage in actual conversation. My mind wanders, but it keeps coming back to one thing—Hudson. Will he come? I search the room and all the new faces that have shown up in the last half hour. Hudson’s not one of them. Maybe he won’t come. I wouldn’t be surprised. Even though it is Dylan and I who have done this horrible thing, it is he who has been paying for it. It is he who has been staying away. We didn’t ask him to leave. I didn’t want him to stay away, bt he has ostracized himself.

Then, just as I’m about to give up hope, I see him.

He walks through the front door in his suit, tie, and polished shoes. He is dressed like an adult, like someone with a real job. The girls at the party are dressed nicely, taking the opportunity to wear nice outfits for once in college, but the guys are a total disaster. In comparison to them, he looks like a god.

Unlike many guys our age who look like they don’t belong in a suit and like they are playing at being adults by putting on their dad’s, Hudson embodies his. He doesn’t look oppressed by the stiff collar or the perfectly creased pants. He doesn’t look like the tie is one step from strangling him or the cuffs are cutting off his circulation and his willingness to live. No, his body belongs in the suit. He looks like he could sleep and eat and run in it. Like the two were meant to be together.

He walks toward the dining room table and pours a drink. The red cup looks out of place. He should be holding a perfectly polished glass with scotch or maybe a martini. I wait for him to take a sip—to see his elegance at work. Instead, he turns around and hands it to someone behind him.

Her.

Kathryn.

The woman in red.

Oh. My. God.

I want to scream. Tear my eyes out. Tear her eyes out. Pound my fists on the table.

I continue to stand here motionless. Expressionless. Taking little shallow breaths that are barely enough to keep my body from shutting down.

Kathryn smiles graciously and nods. She’s about to take her drink from Hudson, but then mimics to him to hold on to it for a second while she removes her coat. Under her coat, she’s wearing a little black dress. It’s tight around all the right places, accentuating her beautiful figure. I watch as Hudson looks her up and down while taking her coat. Her collarbones are adorned with a delicate necklace with blue gemstones that bring out her eyes. Her lips are lined with a luscious red lipstick.

Agh! I look away from them. I think I’m going to scream otherwise.

“Hudson’s here,” Juliet says under her breath. She nudges me in his direction.

“I know,” I say and try to walk away, but she follows me.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to leave,” I say.

“Why?”

“Did you see his date?” I ask. Juliet looks around.

“Oh, yeah! That’s the same girl from the bar, huh?”

I roll my eyes. Juliet can be very dense sometimes. Bullheaded. I’m not sure if it’s on purpose.

“Alice.” I hear someone call my name. I pretend that I didn’t hear it, but he’s persistent.

“Alice?” he says, grabbing my arm. I know who it is. I take a deep breath before