Still not into you - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,23

after I finish one cup of coffee and start on another.

He stares at me as if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

“Yesterday, at The Martini.”

“What…what were you doing there?” he asks.

I look him straight in the eyes. They twinkle in the light. Look as beautiful as always. I hate them now.

“I was talking to Juliet about how I don’t see you anymore and she suggested that we go spy on you,” I say. “Who is she?”

“Nobody.” He shrugs.

“Didn’t look like nobody. You two looked really cozy together.”

“Alice, she’s nobody. Just Kathryn. I told you about her. She works with me.”

“I thought you all go there together? As a group.”

“Well, yesterday everyone suddenly cancelled,” he says.

“How convenient,” I say sarcastically.

“Listen, nothing happened,” Hudson says. He puts his arm on my shoulder. I shrug him off.

“Don’t touch me,” I say. “How can you say nothing happened. You two were laughing the whole time. She put her hand on your leg. Then you kissed. I saw you.”

He shakes his head.

“I pushed her away. Immediately. I don’t like her that way. I love you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” I say.

“I know that she likes me, but she’s my colleague. I want to be nice. She also knows about you.”

I shake my head. This conversation isn’t really going as I had planned.

“I just hate being this way with you, Hudson. I hate that you’re gone all the time and now I’m becoming some sort of jealous, crazy girlfriend. This isn’t who I am.”

“I know.” He nods. “I know that I work too long and I should not go out with everyone so much. There’s this whole party atmosphere there. It’s hard to explain.”

I shrug. I understand, but I don’t really hear an apology. At least, not one that I believe. Just a lot of excuses.

15

Neither of us says anything for a while. I want to tell him that I don’t know how to deal with this. I know he wasn’t cheating— I don’t think he would, no matter what Juliet says. Even though the flirting and the interrupted kiss is as far as it will go, I still feel shitty about this. The main thing I want to tell him is to just stop. Take a break. Have a little fun. I feel like we’re some sort of old married couple that are like two ships passing in the night due to their hectic work schedules. Mainly his schedule, actually. I don’t say any of these things. Instead, I sit across from him and pout.

“I’m sorry, Alice,” Hudson finally says. He takes my hands in his. He stares at me—I feel his gaze burning a hole in my face—until I look up. I see my reflection in his eyes. I also see someone who is at a loss as to what to do. The despondent look in his eyes frightens me.

“I don’t know, Hudson.” I shrug. “You really hurt me, you know? I just felt like a total idiot sitting there, watching you flirt with Kathryn.”

“I wasn’t flirting. We were just laughing over what someone said back in the office.”

“It looked like flirting,” I say. “And then when you kissed…”

Shivers run up my spine. I can’t even handle saying the word.

“We didn’t kiss, Alice. She kissed me. I didn’t see it coming. When it happened, I pulled away right away and I told her that I have a girlfriend and it’s going to stay that way. That I love you.”

“I guess,” I say, sighing.

“But I understand how you feel.” He finally says something I want to hear. Something I’m yearning to hear. “I understand that it was awful for you. Just as it would be for me if you ever…”

Hudson lets his voice drift off. I can see that the thought of it is painful to him, too.

He comes closer to me. Takes me into his arms. This time I don’t push him away. I want him close. I want to get over this. Whatever it is. I want to find a way to forgive. He lifts up my head. Slowly, Hudson presses his lips to my cheek. He gives me soft, tiny kisses as if his lips were wings of a butterfly. Cradling my face, he buries his fingers in my hair and brings his lips to mine. I close my eyes and part my lips.

Hudson’s lips are soft. Effervescent. His tongue inside my mouth feels like home. Like finally, we’re somewhere where we belong. He drops his head and tilts mine. I feel