Still not into you - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,19

class claps. I’m stunned. I still can’t believe that I actually did that—spoke out loud for a significant amount of time in front of a group of people. Did this really happen or am I going to wake up any minute now and realize that I still have to do the speech in a few hours?

As I make my way back to my desk, I feel my heart filling with pride. Who was that girl speaking so confidently in front of a room of strangers? It’s not every day that you surprise yourself.

The girl who was texting during my speech gets up to give hers. My mind continues to spin, but in a good way. I’m in awe. In addition to my shock that I actually got through the toast in one piece, I’m also surprised about the content of the speech.

This was not the toast that I wrote the week before and it wasn’t the toast that I practiced with Dylan last night. No, that toast was for Hudson on his birthday. Today at lunch, completely on a whim, I took five minutes and wrote a toast to Dylan. I wanted to thank him for helping me with the speech. I wouldn’t have survived today were it not for him. I didn’t have a good reason to thank him for anything, so I switched it up and wrote a wedding toast.

“Professor Milner actually said that I did a good job,” I brag to Dylan that evening.

Hudson’s warming up some soup in the microwave.

“Oh, was that today?” Hudson asks. He hadn’t asked me about it before.

I hate the absentminded look on his face. I want to throw my plate at his head, but I restrain myself. This is my time to celebrate. This is a good thing. I’m in a good place. I’m on cloud nine. Nothing he does or doesn’t do will change that.

“I’m sorry, I completely forgot,” Hudson says.

I ignore him.

“Dylan, I was amazing. I had no inhibitions. Okay, very little. I said everything I wanted to say and all the words came out right. I even paused for dramatic effect!”

“That’s great.” Dylan grins ear to ear. “I knew you could do it.”

“I knew you could do it, too,” Hudson butts in.

“You should’ve heard her toast, Hudson,” Dylan says. “It was to you on your birthday. She had really nice things to say.”

“No, actually, it wasn’t,” I say.

“What? But that’s what we had practiced.”

“I know, but when I was going over it again at lunch, it just felt…off. So, I rewrote it. I congratulated you and Peyton on your upcoming wedding.”

“What?!” Dylan gasps. Hudson also seems to be taken aback. “That’s a scary thought,” Dylan jokes.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to thank you. A wedding toast sounded right.”

“Just as long as it’s pretend,” Dylan says, laughing all the way back to his room.

I’m about to walk back toward my room as well, but Hudson catches up with me.

“Hey, listen, I’m so, so sorry about this whole thing. I said I’d help and I didn’t.”

I shrug. I don’t want to say that it was no big deal because it was. I also don’t want to get into all this right now.

“I was just swamped with work and classes, but I know it’s no excuse,” Hudson says.

“I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done were it not for Dylan. You really let me down,” I say. “And Dylan saved me.”

There’s so much more to say. It’s only the second week and Hudson’s schedule is already impossible. I hate his new internship. I want him to quit. We don’t have any time for each other and we’re in college. If we don’t have time for each other now, when will we?

I don’t say any of those things. I don’t want to cloud my celebration with a fight or even a disagreement.

13

The night after my first speech, Hudson promises to make more time for me. Unfortunately, he doesn’t keep it. He continues to come back home later and later over the next few weeks. Sometimes even after midnight.

Eventually, I stop waiting up for him. I rarely see him in the mornings, too. He’s usually gone before I get up.

“Honestly, I don’t know how he survives on so little sleep,” I finally vent to Juliet one night. “I don’t know what’s going on. He can’t be working all this time, right?”

It’s Monday night and we’re watching The Daily Show and Hudson’s still not back.

“I have a few friends who dated stockbrokers,”