I sit on my bed, and she sits beside me and places her head on my shoulder. We’re the same height. Strangers have often mistaken us for twins. “Do you still miss her?” I ask.
“A little. It’s better every day, though.”
“Why’d you break up?”
She sort of laughs. “Apparently, I’m domineering.”
“I’m replaceable.”
Gen lifts her head, hackles raised. “He said that?”
“No, but it’s true. He fell for me because I was there. I could’ve been anyone.”
“Don’t say that. Why do you say things like that?”
“Because that’s what happened.”
She stares at me in disbelief. “You’ve always been so hard on yourself.”
I stare at my hands. I am hard on myself. But isn’t it better to be honest about these things before someone else can use them against you? Before someone else can break your heart? Isn’t it better to break it yourself? I thought honesty made people strong.
“Hey.” Gen nudges me. “Show me what’s in the tube.” My head shoots up, and she shrugs. “I saw him drop it off yesterday.”
I can’t stop myself. “How’d he look?”
“Like you’d torn out his heart and stomped on it with your tallest stilettos.”
I’m a bad person. I’ve hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him, and somehow it happened anyway.
“Do you really think breaking up with him was the right thing to do?” Gen asks.
“I don’t know.” But I shake my head. “That’s not true. It was right. It was.”
“But you still love him.”
I swallow. “Yeah.”
“A lot.”
“Yeah.”
She pauses. “Would it make it better or worse if you showed me what’s in the tube?”
“Ohmygod. You’re relentless.”
“The word was ‘domineering’. Get it right.”
“Ugh. Fine.”
Gen opens my sock drawer. “I had a feeling I’d find you here,” she tells the tube. She pops off the top and gently taps out the paper. She unrolls it. “Whoa, Nelly.”
Shit. I’d forgotten he drew us naked.
“So. You guys were serious.”
“Please, Gen. Don’t.”
“Is that a Joshua tree? On an island?”