Josh clears his throat.
It seems like a good sign. Good. “Good first day?” I ask.
A funny expression crosses his face. Was that a dumb question? Did it make me sound like his mother? Hattie is always accusing me of sounding like Maman.
“I’ve had better.” He nods towards the head of school’s office door.
“Oh.” But then I get it. “Oh! Sorry. I’m here for the nurse, so…I assumed…”
“It’s okay.” And he says it like it is.
I wonder why he was called to her office. Because he skipped her welcome-back speech? Because he was tardy to his classes? It seems harsh to punish him for these things on our first day. And, great, now we’ve been silent for at least twenty seconds.
Tell him. Tell him. Just tell him already!
“Listen,” I blurt. “I’m really embarrassed about last June. I was taking a lot of medication, and I don’t remember much about that night, but I’m pretty sure you paid for my meal so I’d like to pay you back. And I’m sorry. For being weird. And thank you for walking me home. And for paying for my food.”
He waits until I’m done. “It’s okay,” he says again.
And I feel stupid.
But Josh frowns as if he feels stupid, too. He scratches his head, somehow managing to muss his close-cropped hair. “I mean…don’t worry about it. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And you don’t need to pay me back, it was only a few bucks.”
This is the moment. Right here. This is the moment to place a hand on his arm, lean in, and say the least I can do is treat him to a meal in return. Instead, I just think it.
“Are you okay?” Josh asks. And then he makes another face.
It takes me a few seconds to figure it out, but that’s the third time he’s said the word okay. His embarrassment gives me a surge of confidence. “What do you mean?” I ask.
“You’re here to see the nurse?”
“Oh! No, I’m checking in on my sister. She’s sick.”
He looks confused. “Geneviève?”
I’m thrown. He remembers Gen, and he remembers that we’re related. He knows something about me. I shake my head. “My younger sister, Hattie. It’s her first day.”
He winces. “That makes more sense.”
I can actually see Josh beating himself up in his head. The role reversal is fascinating. Somehow, I’ve made him nervous.
“So…how are your teeth?” he asks. “Everything heal?”
I smile, more to ease his discomfort than my own. “No problems.”
“Good. Glad to hear it.”
But I look away, down at the rug, unable to hold his gaze. The sketchbook. It’s right there. Poking out of his bag. It’s black and it has the blue sticker and it’s definitely the same one. I should ask to see the drawing. I should just…open my mouth and ask. One question. It’s one frigging question!
“You can see your sister now,” the receptionist says.
I startle. “Merci.” I stand hastily and grab my bag. “Good luck,” I tell Josh, but then I’m flustered all over again. Just because it’s him. I scramble down the hall before he can reply. The nurse’s door is open, and Hattie watches me enter from a paper-sheet-covered cot. She tucks her bobbed, choppy hair behind her ears as if preparing for battle.
I tuck my long, wavy hair behind mine. “How do you feel?”
“What are you doing here?” Her question is accusatory.
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay. Are you breathing all right?”